Venting Tonight.

[sakakap]

I think I'm going to try drinking myself to death tonight. I'm a lightweight and I have well over a liter of vodka which the internet says should be fatal :(

Life clearly wasn't made with someone like me in mind, my literal first memories are of me being bullied and things have only gotten worse since then. I developed an eating disorder, got depressed and I tried to hang myself because of how they treated me. As if that wasn't enough my girlfriend cheated almost exactly a year ago and seems to be having the time of her life with other guys; I'm supposed to be starting university in a week but all the progress I made has practically disappeared overnight. I've done my best to hang on for as long as I can remember but it's too much. I'm far too weak for this, how am I supposed to continue living for 60+ more years? I don't even have any responsibilities and I'm already failing miserably. I've given up on finding people who treat me like an actual person but being all on my own is no way to live either, so either I kill myself out of loneliness or I kill myself because of the horrific way I'll inevitably be treated. I'm tired of being everybody's punching bag. I'm tired of not mattering. I'm tired of being abused. I just want the pain to end </3


I'm sorry if this reads incoherently. I'm obviously in my feels lol and English isn't my first language.

 

[Dejected 55]

I am sorry to hear about all of that. I don't really have reassuring words for a reason to hope for more. I'll just leave it with, if you do decide to make the attempt, I hope you have the success you're looking for and find peace.

 

[sakakap]

I am sorry to hear about all of that. I don't really have reassuring words for a reason to hope for more. I'll just leave it with, if you do decide to make the attempt, I hope you have the success you're looking for and find peace.

Thank you. Peace is all I ever wanted :( I never wanted to die but with everything that has happened I don't think I have a choice. Existence is too painful.

 

[Dejected 55]

Thank you. Peace is all I ever wanted :( I never wanted to die but with everything that has happened I don't think I have a choice. Existence is too painful.

I hear you. That is how I feel about myself. I still wish for others that they don't have to end the same as I feel I do. I just realize I can't always give good reasons to someone in good faith when I don't believe in those solutions myself. I think it's fair, though, especially when you are younger, to try and work through things as best you can and give yourself at least a few chances before giving up. In other words, don't give up the ghost at the first or even the second failure. It's daunting to be sure, but for me I feel like I gave myself more than ample opportunities that all ended in failure. I am sad when I see others give up without trying a few times... even though I know it is hard and painful to keep moving when you don't see a path.