Help Tonight!! Need some hanging advice.

[PotentiallyWasted]

I simply don't see how you can't, but okay.

Maybe because if you successfully ctb you'll be dead?

 

[Ivernia]

Maybe because if you successfully ctb you'll be dead?

but if you don't? . and what about the fact that if you decided not to, you coulda realised that the sudden decision wasn't made in the right state of mind? And that it was too sudden to make a choice like that?

 

[PotentiallyWasted]

but if you don't? . and what about the fact that if you decided not to, you coulda realised that the sudden decision wasn't made in the right state of mind? And that it was too sudden to make a choice like that?

I don't really know - I've been suicidal for so long I genuinely stop ever assigning positive value to life so I could never regret something like suicide. OP's case might be different (hopefully).

 

[nuva]

I want to thank everyone who wrote me a reply and worried about me. Thank you,guys((

It took me a while to get back here, I was honestly really ashamed..I said goodbye and couldn't do it , and now I'm back here. Even though I was so sure I'd finally be done with it.
I was scared by my own wheezing and sighing. I wonder how long it would have taken me before I passed out,maybe I should just have been patient a little.
It's strange to realize that even despite the fear I felt when I heard those sounds, I don't feel like I don't want to try again. I'll try to look at this more «positively», as an experience that allows me to understand how it will all work out and what I did wrong so that I can correct those mistakes next time.
I was so out of it on the way back, everything felt so wrong. I couldn't shake the thoughts "I shouldn't be here/be real." I slept all day yesterday and only now was I able to eat something,because these two days it was hard for me to come to terms with the idea that I was still alive

 

[Rhombus]

I want to thank everyone who wrote me a reply and worried about me. Thank you,guys((

It took me a while to get back here, I was honestly really ashamed..I said goodbye and couldn't do it , and now I'm back here. Even though I was so sure I'd finally be done with it.
I was scared by my own wheezing and sighing. I wonder how long it would have taken me before I passed out,maybe I should just have been patient a little.
It's strange to realize that even despite the fear I felt when I heard those sounds, I don't feel like I don't want to try again. I'll try to look at this more «positively», as an experience that allows me to understand how it will all work out and what I did wrong so that I can correct those mistakes next time.
I was so out of it on the way back, everything felt so wrong. I couldn't shake the thoughts "I shouldn't be here/be real." I slept all day yesterday and only now was I able to eat something,because these two days it was hard for me to come to terms with the idea that I was still alive

The detachment in the way you speak about using your failed ctb as a way to learn how to do it better next time baffles me so much.
You're talking about killing yourself like you are going to the grocery store... :(
Is there anything that could make you want to keep living? I want to help you.

 

[nuva]

Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it.

The detachment in the way you speak about using your failed ctb as a way to learn how to do it better next time baffles me so much.
You're talking about killing yourself like you are going to the grocery store... :(
Is there anything that could make you want to keep living? I want to help you.

It's hard to explain. Perhaps I really shouldn't say it so easily. But it all feels as if it happened to another version of "me," who failed to do this, and "I" can try better.
Maybe that's why I can't remember almost anything bad that happened in my life, because it's as if it wasn't the "current" me, or it happened so long ago that there's no point in clinging to it.
And a couple of months ago, I tried every piece of advice that could help me feel normal, but it didn't work, and now I just don't see the point in trying to find a reason to live. I don't see myself in the future.
I'm like a fishing boat drifting on the high seas.

 

[AntarusDragon]

V

Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it.

It's hard to explain. Perhaps I really shouldn't say it so easily. But it all feels as if it happened to another version of "me," who failed to do this, and "I" can try better.
Maybe that's why I can't remember almost anything bad that happened in my life, because it's as if it wasn't the "current" me, or it happened so long ago that there's no point in clinging to it.
And a couple of months ago, I tried every piece of advice that could help me feel normal, but it didn't work, and now I just don't see the point in trying to find a reason to live. I don't see myself in the future.
I'm like a fishing boat drifting on the high seas.

Какие у тебя будут планы теперь?

 

[lunar02102009]

Good luck.

 

[nuva]

V

Какие у тебя будут планы теперь?

пока что буду и дальше жить как обычный студент, хотя теперь я испытываю еще больше трудностей в том, чтобы концентрироваться на учебе и это подпитывает желание поскорее покончить со всем этим.
возможно я попробую на этих выходных(или через, еще не знаю, я просто хочу успеть сделать это до декабря,чтобы не омрачать праздники своей семье), но в этот раз постараюсь быть готовой в пятницу, чтобы дать себе побольше времени и если что, то продлить номер на еще одну ночь.
Теперь я не знаю, как без подозрений перевести деньги своей маме. В прошлый раз я сказала, что «потеряла кошелек» и хочу, чтобы пока мои сбережения побыли у нее. И если я попробую эту схему еще раз, то это, наверно, будет слишком странно. Но надеюсь я придумаю что-то.
Также возможно мне стоит заранее купить себе снотворное, потому что алкоголь не сильно помог мне в том, чтобы почувствовать слабость и отключиться, мб просто стоило купить что-то получше, чем первое попавшееся пойло. Я не особо разбираюсь в этом, я просто не хочу делать это на «трезвую» голову

 

[Rhombus]

Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it.

It's hard to explain. Perhaps I really shouldn't say it so easily. But it all feels as if it happened to another version of "me," who failed to do this, and "I" can try better.
Maybe that's why I can't remember almost anything bad that happened in my life, because it's as if it wasn't the "current" me, or it happened so long ago that there's no point in clinging to it.
And a couple of months ago, I tried every piece of advice that could help me feel normal, but it didn't work, and now I just don't see the point in trying to find a reason to live. I don't see myself in the future.
I'm like a fishing boat drifting on the high seas.

What you're describing sounds like dissociation. Have you checked that in the past? Also you say that you want to feel normal... Have you tried finding your people? You don't need to be normal. You can be yourself with other people who are similar to you. For example, I'm not normal at all, but I hang out with other strange people that I share interests with. We made our own version of "normal".

 

[nuva]

What you're describing sounds like dissociation. Have you checked that in the past?

I can't remember, so maybe this is the first time it's become so clear.

Also you say that you want to feel normal... Have you tried finding your people? You don't need to be normal. You can be yourself with other people who are similar to you. For example, I'm not normal at all, but I hang out with other strange people that I share interests with. We made our own version of "normal".

I feel like I've been searching for "my people" my whole life. I'm not the most social person, and I find it hard to open up and miss people. I've had a stable circle of friends for several years, but even with them, I never felt truly "accepted." I think because I quickly realized there were topics I couldn't discuss with them, which forced me to be more reserved with everyone.
And since I've always found it easier to listen and give advice, no one takes me seriously, even when I've tried to hint at the odd things in my behavior. I don't know, maybe they're intentionally ignoring me.
My mistake was thinking that being so "unnoticed" was normal, because I thought that if I was quiet and calm all the time, people shouldn't pay attention to me, and I should listen those who are more open about their feelings because they know how to ask for attention, while I just spend my whole life waiting.
But on SaSu, I truly feel like a real part of society. Compared to my experience in real life, I feel much better and more comfortable here.

 

[Rhombus]

I can't remember, so maybe this is the first time it's become so clear.

I feel like I've been searching for "my people" my whole life. I'm not the most social person, and I find it hard to open up and miss people. I've had a stable circle of friends for several years, but even with them, I never felt truly "accepted." I think because I quickly realized there were topics I couldn't discuss with them, which forced me to be more reserved with everyone.
And since I've always found it easier to listen and give advice, no one takes me seriously, even when I've tried to hint at the odd things in my behavior. I don't know, maybe they're intentionally ignoring me.
My mistake was thinking that being so "unnoticed" was normal, because I thought that if I was quiet and calm all the time, people shouldn't pay attention to me, and I should listen those who are more open about their feelings because they know how to ask for attention, while I just spend my whole life waiting.
But on SaSu, I truly feel like a real part of society. Compared to my experience in real life, I feel much better and more comfortable here.

Wouldn't SaSu's community then be in some way a reason for you to live? Maybe we're your people. I know that it's not the same as having friends in real life, but I think it still helps. Human connection is human connection. I don't know much about how to socialize and open yourself to others, but maybe some users here could help you with that? In any case: I think you deserve to be happy.

 

[nuva]

Wouldn't SaSu's community then be in some way a reason for you to live? Maybe we're your people. I know that it's not the same as having friends in real life, but I think it still helps. Human connection is human connection. I don't know much about how to socialize and open yourself to others, but maybe some users here could help you with that? In any case: I think you deserve to be happy.

Honestly, I don't particularly like the idea of "living for someone else," even if it's for "my people."
It's reminiscent of how society tells people with problems that they're being selfish because they don't live for their family or anyone else. Don't worry, I know you probably didn't mean it that way and were just offering advice (which is very nice). I understand your point of view, but I just don't think it applies to me. I don't like feeling attached to someone, as if it were a danger to my independence.
I think the only thing that could really keep me here is my cat, because she was very dear to me. But she's gone, and I want to be reunited with her on the other side.
SaSu may not be my reason to live, but it will help me navigate my journey knowing I've been accepted. And I think that's a really good thing.
And I also think you deserve to be happy , thanks for your reply.

 

[Rhombus]

Honestly, I don't particularly like the idea of "living for someone else," even if it's for "my people."
It's reminiscent of how society tells people with problems that they're being selfish because they don't live for their family or anyone else. Don't worry, I know you probably didn't mean it that way and were just offering advice (which is very nice). I understand your point of view, but I just don't think it applies to me. I don't like feeling attached to someone, as if it were a danger to my independence.
I think the only thing that could really keep me here is my cat, because she was very dear to me. But she's gone, and I want to be reunited with her on the other side.
SaSu may not be my reason to live, but it will help me navigate my journey knowing I've been accepted. And I think that's a really good thing.
And I also think you deserve to be happy , thanks for your reply.

Oh I see. It's true, one must live because they have a purpose, not because the other people want you alive.
If you allow me to ask: how was your childhood? Do you remember any point in your life where you truly loved being alive?
Also.... I'm sorry for your cat. What was her name?

 

[Terrible_Life_99]

Oh I see. It's true, one must live because they have a purpose, not because the other people want you alive.

This is 100% correct.

 

[nuva]

Oh I see. It's true, one must live because they have a purpose, not because the other people want you alive.
If you allow me to ask: how was your childhood? Do you remember any point in your life where you truly loved being alive?
Also.... I'm sorry for your cat. What was her name?

I think, like everyone else, there were good and bad times.
When I try to remember happy moments from my childhood, it's when I was in kindergarten with other kids, or in elementary school with my friend, and I often traveled with my family when I was an only child.
I don't really like remembering moments with my parents, like, the time my mom asked me to distract my little brother while she "talked to father" when I was in elementary school. They argued so loudly that sometimes I had to cover his ears so he wouldn't cry and bang on the door, calling for mom.I swear, sometimes I thought he was hitting her or was going to kill her behind that door. Okay, I think I got a little carried away with the bad part and forgot about the good part—
And my cat's name was Sonya, she was gone when I moved to another city, I couldn't say goodbye, but I hope I'll see her on the other side and hug her again

 

[Rhombus]

I think, like everyone else, there were good and bad times.
When I try to remember happy moments from my childhood, it's when I was in kindergarten with other kids, or in elementary school with my friend, and I often traveled with my family when I was an only child.
I don't really like remembering moments with my parents, like, the time my mom asked me to distract my little brother while she "talked to father" when I was in elementary school. They argued so loudly that sometimes I had to cover his ears so he wouldn't cry and bang on the door, calling for mom.I swear, sometimes I thought he was hitting her or was going to kill her behind that door. Okay, I think I got a little carried away with the bad part and forgot about the good part—
And my cat's name was Sonya, she was gone when I moved to another city, I couldn't say goodbye, but I hope I'll see her on the other side and hug her again

That's absolutely traumatic... Don't take this in the wrong way, but have you ever went to therapy? I'm simply concerned about you. No child should have experienced that.

About your cat Sonya: I find her name interesting. My dad used to tell me stories (that he invented). In one of them, the main character was a girl named Sonia (with i, same pronunciation I think?) that lived in a house that was on a very high mountain. She was kind of isolated from the outside world. Her house was so high up that the clouds were at its level. In her house, she had many fish tanks of different sizes with exotic, colorful fishes.

Maybe your cat is with her now.

 

[setspiritfree]

I want to thank everyone who wrote me a reply and worried about me. Thank you,guys((

It took me a while to get back here, I was honestly really ashamed..I said goodbye and couldn't do it , and now I'm back here. Even though I was so sure I'd finally be done with it.
I was scared by my own wheezing and sighing. I wonder how long it would have taken me before I passed out,maybe I should just have been patient a little.
It's strange to realize that even despite the fear I felt when I heard those sounds, I don't feel like I don't want to try again. I'll try to look at this more «positively», as an experience that allows me to understand how it will all work out and what I did wrong so that I can correct those mistakes next time.
I was so out of it on the way back, everything felt so wrong. I couldn't shake the thoughts "I shouldn't be here/be real." I slept all day yesterday and only now was I able to eat something,because these two days it was hard for me to come to terms with the idea that I was still alive

I hope you find peace

 

[zerocontrol]

Приятно видеть более вовлечённые разговоры, нежели постоянные "i hope you achieve what you're looking for!", которые создают впечатление, будто на сайте одни лишь роботы или психопаты, не видящие человека с проблемой, которую было бы неплохо для начала проработать перед принятием буквально самого важного решения в любой жизни.
Очень надеюсь, что по итогу ты сможешь разобраться в себе. Я по своему опыту могу сказать, что это заняло у меня долгое время, но после моей последней попытки, я заключил с самим собой соглашение и заместо "принятия решений" сначала попытался понять в чём именно проблема, и только потом уже решать. До того как я начал копаться, я всё сваливал на своё мировозрение и отсутствие перспектив, что в ретроспективе довольно деструктивно. После я выяснил, что у меня Истерическое Расстройство Личности, о котором я вообще никогда не слышал. Пускай осознание и не смогло убрать во мне суицидальные мысли, но оно помогает мне понимать в какие моменты мои выводы о ситуации являются не более чем результатом этой болячки. Например: прямо сейчас я хочу взять с полки свой нитрит и наконец то его выпить, потому что осознаю, что моё окружение катится ко дну. Но меня останавливает осознание того, что тоже самое я испытывал на протяжении всей своей взрослой жизни по поводу любого негативного явления или аспекта. Это и есть истерика, и с ней можно справится только посредством осознания её. Опять же, можно просто выпилиться и не париться, но всё упирается в важность и пермаментность такого решения. Самоубийство - это сложно. Проще жить с осознанием своих проблем и стараться их нивелировать, нежели жить в постоянной муке и в этой же муке закончить жить.