Today's the day- there's always something.

[Rainork]

Today's my date and I've had the whole day worked out.
However, my other half woke up today feeling very unwell and so has taken the day off work- now I'm not sure what to do.
I'm thinking of telling him I'm going to see a friend as a reason for leaving, I don't think they ever talk so there shouldn't be any issues around it. It does mean I can't finish bits around the house before I go but I suppose that's okay?

I don't know why this has bothered me so much but it just feels so wrong now.
Well, hopefully I'll still be able to see things through.

 

[auto138491]

I think your other half might need you today, and it may not be the best day? I am sorry for playing the devil's advocate, but maybe there is a sign here?

 

[whywere]

I 100% agree with @auto138491 and please stay with your partner and with me.

You ARE family to me and having 24/7 chronic pain and no one, having you here is absolutely something that I REALLY need.

Noy Pro cbt nor life pro-choice and I really wish and hope that you choose your partner, me and so many others.

Love, hugs and the knowledge that YOU ARE NEEDED HERE!

Walter

 

[Rainork]

I think your other half might need you today, and it may not be the best day? I am sorry for playing the devil's advocate, but maybe there is a sign here?

I 100% agree with @auto138491 and please stay with your partner and with me.

You ARE family to me and having 24/7 chronic pain and no one, having you here is absolutely something that I REALLY need.

Noy Pro cbt nor life pro-choice and I really wish and hope that you choose your partner, me and so many others.

Love, hugs and the knowledge that YOU ARE NEEDED HERE!

Walter

Thank you both, so when I first posted I had just woken up and could only remember him saying he wasn't going to work (he usually powers through so assuned he must be pretty bad) since getting up to do breakfast I've had a chat with him.
He didn't go in as he was feeling dizzy and worried about it getting worse, he said he's wondering if it's to do with his ears so I will be coming home later to do an ear candle for him and see if it helps.
If needed, I will postpone until another day this week (I'm not sure how much longer I can wait though)

 

[Rainork]

So I decided not to go today- both because I couldn't finish bits around the house without risking being found out and also so that I could look after my other half.
I am still planning to ctb this week, but for today I got some chicken and other ingredients to do a nice chicken dinner tomorrow for us and tonight I enjoyed the sunset with a glass of wine and went to have a smoke and dance on the beach.
If nothing else I'm sad that I could never find this kind of peace when deciding to live.
So yeah, that's my update for if anyone cares.

 

[l1ablemistakes]

So I decided not to go today- both because I couldn't finish bits around the house without risking being found out and also so that I could look after my other half.
I am still planning to ctb this week, but for today I got some chicken and other ingredients to do a nice chicken dinner tomorrow for us and tonight I enjoyed the sunset with a glass of wine and went to have a smoke and dance on the beach.
If nothing else I'm sad that I could never find this kind of peace when deciding to live.
So yeah, that's my update for if anyone cares.

Glad you're still here today, dancing in the beach sounds like such a beautiful moment. I'm glad you're making happy memories. Hug your partner real tight.

I'll be sad to see you go, but I wish you peace nonetheless <3

 

[Rainork]

My other half is now better and back to work so I will be carrying out my plans tomorrow night/Friday morning (early hours).
The delay wasn't the worst thing- it gave me time to clean the bedding and build a new cat tree for our cat. I did briefly consider abandoning my plans in this time but that thought left me in tears only reminding me why I've made this decision.
I will probably spend the day in the area so I can watch a final sunset and maybe go to a bar for a few cocktails.
I'm sure I will update tomorrow- posting this now to avoid constant procrastination as I know how easily I resign to miserable bed rotting.

 

[theDunce]

My other half is now better and back to work so I will be carrying out my plans tomorrow nigjt/Friday morning (early hours).
The delay wasn't the worst thing- it gave me time to clean the bedding and build a new cat tree for our cat. I did briefly consider abandoning my plans in this time but that thought left me in tears only reminding me why I've made this decision.
I will probably spent the day in the area so I can watch a final sunset and maybe go to a bar for a few cocktails.
I'm sure I will update tomorrow- posting this now to avoid constant procrastination as I know how easily I resign to miserable bed rotting.

yeah delays can be okay. your life doesn't sound all that bad. I would definitely take some time and try not to put a date on it. no point in pressuring yourself. but I don't know all the details of your circumstances so I am just talking above my grade here. I keep pushing mine back as well but I feel mine may be inevitable. anyway, just some thoughts.

 

[Rainork]

yeah delays can be okay. your life doesn't sound all that bad. I would definitely take some time and try not to put a date on it. no point in pressuring yourself. but I don't know all the details of your circumstances so I am just talking above my grade here. I keep pushing mine back as well but I feel mine may be inevitable. anyway, just some thoughts.

My life isn't 'all that bad'- but I'm not ending my life because of how my life is.
I'm ending my life because I can't keep going with this crippling depression (that's been with me for over half of my life), I can't do anything, I just sit about all day feeling shit.
Yes, I have an other half and a cat, my life to anyone else looks 'okay', but no one understands the hell I've been stuck in every day for most of my memorable life.
The hell that keeps me stuck in this nothingness only carrying on to avoid causing pain to others whilst resigning myself to neverending torture.
Thank you for your thoughts but you're right, you are talking above your grade.