Dukey
Member
- Oct 6, 2025
- 45
I was depressed and lonely for a long time. Then he came along.
The relationship was short, but the beginning was really good. We cuddled. We were intimate. We talked constantly. We spent real time together. He was autistic, but that didn't matter to me at all. I actually liked some of his quirky behavior.
For the first time in years, I felt genuinely happy. Not just distracted. Not just surviving. Actually happy. The heavy cloud lifted. I felt safe. Wanted. Not alone.
He said he was going abroad for 2–3 months to study and promised nothing would change. We would keep seeing each other until he left, and when he came back we would try again or at least stay friends or something casual.
But even before the blocking, we were barely talking. I was giving him space. I was not pressuring him.
He started avoiding me. Conversations died. Then he turned off all his activity everywhere. Just hiding.
But I had a gut feeling. He never leaves his house. I had ways to check, even if his status was offline.
I was right.
He was gaming every single day, for hours, alone or with friends. But he could not answer one yes or no question.
After three or four days of total silence, something in me snapped. I told him, "Maybe we should end this, because it feels like you already left emotionally. Getting zero effort, or nothing at all, is starting to hurt more."
I did not want to end it. I just wanted a response.
The next morning, blocked everywhere.
Before blocking me, he promised nothing would change. Then he avoided me and acted like I did not exist. The shift was devastating.
I broke. I begged for a month. Nothing.
In anger, I sent his nudes to one of his friends. I feel remorseful about that. I went too far. There is no excuse. I was heartbroken, shocked, angry, and could not cope. It was not malice. It was emotional collapse. But that does not make it right.
I had to force closure out of him, and what he gave felt like hypocritical nonsense.
Then came the revenge porn complaint. A stalking complaint. Police threats.
At the end of December I tried to overdose. Close to a gram of fentanyl plus benzos. I survived. Two days in a coma. My ulnar nerve was damaged. Recently had surgery. Recovery might take six months. My arm is mostly useless right now.
2025 was the worst year of my life. I lost almost everyone i ever loved. I feel disposable. Like I was finally happy once, and then got thrown away like a piece of trash
It's not isolated. Before him, my best friend did something similar. Cut me off. There is also extreme childhood trauma that never healed. It's not just this relationship. A lot of things add up
Now I have been talking to someone new for a couple of months. We click. Chemistry is there. Same humor. Same outlook. We are planning to meet.
I should feel something right?
I feel nothing
Completely shut down
I used to be loving and open. Now I am avoidant and scared to let anyone close, even though love is all I ever wanted.
I have been in therapy over a year. My therapist is good. We have a real connection. She even reduces fees or let's me call free off charge because I'm broke.
I hate that I've turned into this bitter, resentful, hateful person. I do not want to be like this
People say time heals all wounds. That's complete bullshit. Time doesn't heal shit. It just forces you to live with it. Maybe it dulls the pain. But it does not fix anything. It does not give you back what you lost. It does not undo the damage that has been done.
Has anyone else gone from finally happy to completely numb after being discarded like this?
Did the numbness ever lift?
What the fuck am I supposed to do now? How am I ever supposed to let somebody else in?
The relationship was short, but the beginning was really good. We cuddled. We were intimate. We talked constantly. We spent real time together. He was autistic, but that didn't matter to me at all. I actually liked some of his quirky behavior.
For the first time in years, I felt genuinely happy. Not just distracted. Not just surviving. Actually happy. The heavy cloud lifted. I felt safe. Wanted. Not alone.
He said he was going abroad for 2–3 months to study and promised nothing would change. We would keep seeing each other until he left, and when he came back we would try again or at least stay friends or something casual.
But even before the blocking, we were barely talking. I was giving him space. I was not pressuring him.
He started avoiding me. Conversations died. Then he turned off all his activity everywhere. Just hiding.
But I had a gut feeling. He never leaves his house. I had ways to check, even if his status was offline.
I was right.
He was gaming every single day, for hours, alone or with friends. But he could not answer one yes or no question.
After three or four days of total silence, something in me snapped. I told him, "Maybe we should end this, because it feels like you already left emotionally. Getting zero effort, or nothing at all, is starting to hurt more."
I did not want to end it. I just wanted a response.
The next morning, blocked everywhere.
Before blocking me, he promised nothing would change. Then he avoided me and acted like I did not exist. The shift was devastating.
I broke. I begged for a month. Nothing.
In anger, I sent his nudes to one of his friends. I feel remorseful about that. I went too far. There is no excuse. I was heartbroken, shocked, angry, and could not cope. It was not malice. It was emotional collapse. But that does not make it right.
I had to force closure out of him, and what he gave felt like hypocritical nonsense.
Then came the revenge porn complaint. A stalking complaint. Police threats.
At the end of December I tried to overdose. Close to a gram of fentanyl plus benzos. I survived. Two days in a coma. My ulnar nerve was damaged. Recently had surgery. Recovery might take six months. My arm is mostly useless right now.
2025 was the worst year of my life. I lost almost everyone i ever loved. I feel disposable. Like I was finally happy once, and then got thrown away like a piece of trash
It's not isolated. Before him, my best friend did something similar. Cut me off. There is also extreme childhood trauma that never healed. It's not just this relationship. A lot of things add up
Now I have been talking to someone new for a couple of months. We click. Chemistry is there. Same humor. Same outlook. We are planning to meet.
I should feel something right?
I feel nothing
Completely shut down
I used to be loving and open. Now I am avoidant and scared to let anyone close, even though love is all I ever wanted.
I have been in therapy over a year. My therapist is good. We have a real connection. She even reduces fees or let's me call free off charge because I'm broke.
I hate that I've turned into this bitter, resentful, hateful person. I do not want to be like this
People say time heals all wounds. That's complete bullshit. Time doesn't heal shit. It just forces you to live with it. Maybe it dulls the pain. But it does not fix anything. It does not give you back what you lost. It does not undo the damage that has been done.
Has anyone else gone from finally happy to completely numb after being discarded like this?
Did the numbness ever lift?
What the fuck am I supposed to do now? How am I ever supposed to let somebody else in?
