Freedombus'25
Exhausted. Nervous system stressed. Isolating.
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,652
Good morning y'all...
I finally got some sleep last night. I ate and fell asleep after. Maybe around 9pm or smthin. Im not sure/100% bc my watch wasn't charged.
Its like 8am. I'm probs gonna go back to sleep tbh. Like if I can sleep for the majority of the day thennn I'm def aiming for that.
Today I don't feel so extremely awful.... I still wanna jump off a bridge but ig I'll just wait for SN. I mean hell both are fucking painful. I worry that I'd reach out in the painful moments with SN tho... which is why a bridge is still tempting...
Tryna shower often these days... I mean I did clean the whole bathroom on Friday for that reason/for less anxiety. Sooo probs gonna shower today with all the works (like doing my full skin care & creaming my body) all these things are hard when suicidal. But I like how my face looks after doing the skin care & I paid good money for it sooo
Might order some more CBD & CBN capsules. But gotta wait till 9am.
Interacting with friends??? Hmm not too sure today. I'm a little bothered by a recent reconnection where I over apologized and the person barly took any responsibility for the shit on their end. I hate when I fawn response. It pisses me off tbh. So I'm leaving that alone
Aside from that... my other actual friends... I dunno if ima bother. The person that was gonna come by didn't text back or anything. So I don't expect anything. My Dad didn't either or even try to fucking call. Whats new. Im so sick of human beings.
I just don't feel like talking to anyone in my life rn. Its isolating bc no one fucking understands or even tries to and I'm sick of this shit. I wanna just fucking die. I don't needa be misunderstood anymore. So, probs just isolating from people at this point. There's a lack of connection and ability to connect with people that don't understand or want me to live more than they want to understand my perspective.
Sooo yeah I'm a little over the interpersonal aspects rn. Certain people on here are fine but it's hard for me still.
So, today??? Sleeping as much as I can. Might get back into reading on kindle. Might play 3DS. Shower. Wish I had some face masks but I might go to the store this week and buy some of those & the sugar body scrub that I like. Might re-do my nails if im awake long enough. Hmm and that's kinda it tbh... just gonna spend the weekend to my self. Maybe the whole week. Maybe that's what I need. The interpersonal stuff hurts too much.
Anyway gonna get up use the bathroom and hopefully fall back asleep.
I have an appt with the covered psw coordinator but... tbh I can't speak tbat well so I think ima reschedule... I'm really not in the mood for appt's and shit honestly.
Lit some incense. Changed the A/C settings. Hoping to fall back asleep.
Hope everyone has a good as it can get kinda day.
I finally got some sleep last night. I ate and fell asleep after. Maybe around 9pm or smthin. Im not sure/100% bc my watch wasn't charged.
Its like 8am. I'm probs gonna go back to sleep tbh. Like if I can sleep for the majority of the day thennn I'm def aiming for that.
Today I don't feel so extremely awful.... I still wanna jump off a bridge but ig I'll just wait for SN. I mean hell both are fucking painful. I worry that I'd reach out in the painful moments with SN tho... which is why a bridge is still tempting...
Tryna shower often these days... I mean I did clean the whole bathroom on Friday for that reason/for less anxiety. Sooo probs gonna shower today with all the works (like doing my full skin care & creaming my body) all these things are hard when suicidal. But I like how my face looks after doing the skin care & I paid good money for it sooo
Might order some more CBD & CBN capsules. But gotta wait till 9am.
Interacting with friends??? Hmm not too sure today. I'm a little bothered by a recent reconnection where I over apologized and the person barly took any responsibility for the shit on their end. I hate when I fawn response. It pisses me off tbh. So I'm leaving that alone
Aside from that... my other actual friends... I dunno if ima bother. The person that was gonna come by didn't text back or anything. So I don't expect anything. My Dad didn't either or even try to fucking call. Whats new. Im so sick of human beings.
I just don't feel like talking to anyone in my life rn. Its isolating bc no one fucking understands or even tries to and I'm sick of this shit. I wanna just fucking die. I don't needa be misunderstood anymore. So, probs just isolating from people at this point. There's a lack of connection and ability to connect with people that don't understand or want me to live more than they want to understand my perspective.
Sooo yeah I'm a little over the interpersonal aspects rn. Certain people on here are fine but it's hard for me still.
So, today??? Sleeping as much as I can. Might get back into reading on kindle. Might play 3DS. Shower. Wish I had some face masks but I might go to the store this week and buy some of those & the sugar body scrub that I like. Might re-do my nails if im awake long enough. Hmm and that's kinda it tbh... just gonna spend the weekend to my self. Maybe the whole week. Maybe that's what I need. The interpersonal stuff hurts too much.
Anyway gonna get up use the bathroom and hopefully fall back asleep.
I have an appt with the covered psw coordinator but... tbh I can't speak tbat well so I think ima reschedule... I'm really not in the mood for appt's and shit honestly.
Lit some incense. Changed the A/C settings. Hoping to fall back asleep.
Hope everyone has a good as it can get kinda day.
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