Those who chose SN. How scared are you to drink it on a 5-point scale?

[Alexandra0]

Where 1 is "almost not scary" and 5 is "very scary"

My answer is 1 because I really want to get rid of the suffering. And the result is most important to me, not the process itself

 

[starboy2k]

2 not scared of what happens after, Im just scared of how bad it will taste lol

 

[Alexandra0]

2 not scared of what happens after, Im just scared of how bad it will taste lol

So I'll rinse my mouth "before" and "after" taking a sip. My benzodiazepines taste disgusting too

 

[cowboypants]

4

The only thing I don't like about it is the vomiting aspect of it. It's been years since I vomited. And the part where I might be dying with vomit over me is kinda ew, but not much choice. The rest is because my anxiety is high for these kinda things and i will be doing it at a hotel so

 

[Alexandra0]

4

The only thing I don't like about it is the vomiting aspect of it. It's been years since I vomited. And the part where I might be dying with vomit over me is kinda ew, but not much choice. The rest is because my anxiety is high for these kinda things and i will be doing it at a hotel so

Two years ago, after an accidental overdose of Lamotrigine (I took it for half a year), I vomited for 7 hours straight. Sometimes dry, sometimes gastric juice. It was a real nightmare. Vomiting is not a pleasant sensation, but you can endure it. Some lucky people don't even feel sick after taking SN. I will prepare a bucket in advance and put a bag on it

 

[cowboypants]

Two years ago, after an accidental overdose of Lamotrigine (I took it for half a year), I vomited for 7 hours straight. Sometimes dry, sometimes gastric juice. It was a real nightmare. Vomiting is not a pleasant sensation, but you can endure it. Some lucky people don't even feel sick after taking SN. I will prepare a bucket in advance and put a bag on it

Yeah, I too plan on keeping a bucket or a cover with me, the thing is more I anticipate I get these dry gags. Even with antiemetics, I think I will vomit from anxiety and stuff. But the discomfort is almost nothing when compared to the life we endure

 

[Alexandra0]

Yeah, I too plan on keeping a bucket or a cover with me, the thing is more I anticipate I get these dry gags. Even with antiemetics, I think I will vomit from anxiety and stuff. But the discomfort is almost nothing when compared to the life we endure

That's true. I think like this - even the most painful death is better than even one more second of this horrible existence . Vomiting is normal, if you throw up, you need to take another glass

 

[failedmind]

probably 4. i have emetophobia so im dreading throwing up. im also scared of how i'll feel in the 10+ minutes until im unconscious. also a bit terrified of what comes after. but i have to do this, so i just have to deal with being scared

 

[Alexandra0]

probably 4. i have emetophobia so im dreading throwing up. im also scared of how i'll feel in the 10+ minutes until im unconscious. also a bit terrified of what comes after. but i have to do this, so i just have to deal with being scared

Of course it's scary. I understand you. But I'm worried that I can't take SN now because I'm treating gastritis and it seems like I have irritation in my esophagus. I'm afraid that I'll be treated for too long. After all, I don't want to wait at all and every day is real torture

 

[failedmind]

Of course it's scary. I understand you. But I'm worried that I can't take SN now because I'm treating gastritis and it seems like I have irritation in my esophagus. I'm afraid that I'll be treated for too long. After all, I don't want to wait at all and every day is real torture

Ugh I'm really sorry. Have you seen any threads about SN and gastritis on here? I feel like I've seen one or something about it before. I'm sorry youre suffering too. Every day really is torture

 

[Alexandra0]

Ugh I'm really sorry. Have you seen any threads about SN and gastritis on here? I feel like I've seen one or something about it before. I'm sorry youre suffering too. Every day really is torture

Thank you, I feel sorry for you too. No one deserves to suffer like that. I think it's better to get better before drinking SN

 

[failedmind]

Thank you, I feel sorry for you too. No one deserves to suffer like that. I think it's better to get better before drinking SN

I agree, thatll probably be the best thing to do just to be safe. Sending love your way

 

[Forever Sleep]

4- I'm very scared. Will it work? How long will it take? Will my antiemetics still work? They're already years out of date. How much fear and pain will I experience? What if I maim myself to the point I can't attempt again and can no longer support myself? What will happen if I fail? How will people treat me if they find out? Will I be able to keep my job? Will I still be able to do my job?

Truthfully, I'm very scared but then, having to live frightens me too. I think I'd feel better if I had another method set up but, I can't decide on what and, I don't want more welfair checks.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I think 15 minutes of struggling to breath with a pounding heart sounds terrifying honestly. Then by what I have seen there is excessive saliva as you struggle not to vomit.

 

[searchingforpeace]

i guess 4 or 5 i must be a pussy

 

[unluckysadness]

5 because i have severe anxiety and i know how i react when i'm in panic. but if my health deteriorates even more, i think it could be 3. I'm thinking about jumping instead of sn but i have huge fear of heights too... but on the "shitty life" scale, it must be close to 10/10 ...

 

[Britney Spears]

0, I've reached my limit, but let's see if my parents leave me alone

 

[alliecake]

5 i'm so afraid of fucking up somehow and the idea of throwing up gives me such anxiety

 

[naookoo128]

Changing between 3-5, depends on the day, I´m not so much scared of vomiting and pain and the process itself, its my psyche that might fuck me up hard.

 

[Lyn]

3 - still unsure if benzos would sedate me enough

 

[ChrisFromEarth]

5. And I am sceptical of dissolving the benzos, as I read that it does not work reliably. I am using Ativan/Lorazepam.
They usually start working in pill form
after one hour…

Also I do not have anti ematics other than pantoprazol which are used to protect your
stomach for pain meds.
Does anyone know if these would work?

 

[Alexandra0]

I agree, thatll probably be the best thing to do just to be safe. Sending love your way

Yes, there is no need for unnecessary suffering before death. As far as I understand, SN will get into the blood from the small intestine. In order for it to get there faster from the stomach, you need to lie on your right side

 

[quietwoods]

Probably a 4. I was so relieved to acquire SN but after reading so many accounts of vomiting kinda made me a lot more anxious.

Already have enough issues with anxiety, don't want my last minutes to be panic and vomiting.

Why I'm looking at inert gas, enteric pills for SN, and a third option.

If I had a stronger stomach and wasn't prone to panic attacks I'd prolly be lie a 2

 

[thinvy]

0, honestly. I think it's gonna taste gross and that's my only real reservation. I've been suicidal since I realized I could die, so I don't really fear death. Not to sound edgy, but I long for it. The heart stuff doesn't really freak me out either because I already have a heart condition that causes me to have palpitations, high hr, and makes me light headed and winded. it will genuinely be just another Tuesday for me when I choose to die lol. I just checked my heart rate after sitting for ~20 minutes now and it's 114 because I got a little angry like an hour ago.

 

[artificialpasta]

3?

I'm not exactly looking forward to it. And can't access benzos. All the videos I've seen of people taking it involves some vomiting, even with AEs.

 

[PepperJam]

A 2 some days, a 4 on others. The taste doesn't put me off much, but the idea of vomiting and heart palpitations does. I'm waiting on the SN to arrive so I'm just looking out for any way to get the anti-emetics and hopefully benzos somehow. If I somehow get both of those things, I think my fear will go down quite a bit.

I had a dream once of CTB by SN and I realized how nice that could be. I'd like to experience everything on my way out, yk? The least I can do is try to make sure I can relax and enjoy it. To the extent at which it can be enjoyed, anyway.

 

[SmilingNoMore]

I think when the day comes, I would want to be a 2. Because I don't want to be overconfident and not be afraid. Everything has to he perfectly planned which will give me a sense of calm I hope. The time should feel right, making me less anxious. Even with vomiting, I believe if the second cup is ready and the mind is steady it should be okay. As we speak now, I know I'm not ready yet mentally. But just last week I was anxious thinking the time has come and I don't have the right anti-emetics, so i need to finalize the details. Thanks for making this post, it is a reminder that I don't want to end up in a panic. All the best to you, friend.

 

[Alexandra0]

0, honestly. I think it's gonna taste gross and that's my only real reservation. I've been suicidal since I realized I could die, so I don't really fear death. Not to sound edgy, but I long for it. The heart stuff doesn't really freak me out either because I already have a heart condition that causes me to have palpitations, high hr, and makes me light headed and winded. it will genuinely be just another Tuesday for me when I choose to die lol. I just checked my heart rate after sitting for ~20 minutes now and it's 114 because I got a little angry like an hour ago.

I too have wanted to die since I have known myself. It is very sad, but such is the bitter truth. I am afraid not so much of death as of this unbearable life

I think when the day comes, I would want to be a 2. Because I don't want to be overconfident and not be afraid. Everything has to he perfectly planned which will give me a sense of calm I hope. The time should feel right, making me less anxious. Even with vomiting, I believe if the second cup is ready and the mind is steady it should be okay. As we speak now, I know I'm not ready yet mentally. But just last week I was anxious thinking the time has come and I don't have the right anti-emetics, so i need to finalize the details. Thanks for making this post, it is a reminder that I don't want to end up in a panic. All the best to you, friend.

I wish you all the best, friend. May our death be quiet and calm, and we quickly lose consciousness

 

[Carrot]

Pain is the only thing I worry about. Or using some random drug combination to lose conciousness faster, but those could lead to unknown issues (pain).

Panic, vomitting, some headache I can handle. No benzos, not sure if I'll have AE.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

3. I am an experienced vomiter (former bulimic) so I'm not concerned about that, I'm more worried about what my last thoughts are going to be, and the last moments before going unconscious.

But it's not my time to go yet, so I think by the time I'm ready, I won't have this fear anymore; I will long for the blackness to overtake me, instead of dreading it. I still have a lingering attachment to my consciousness right now...