I've just read a thread discussing the inference of CTB:
sanctioned-suicide.net
And, it's inspired me to make a poll.
I suppose it is more targetted at people who have been trying to mask their ideation. Do you still think you've dropped hints that allude to you being suicidal or, wishing you were dead? Did you let those hints out more consciously or, by mistake? Did anyone pick up on them?
I've only told a handful of friends outright that I developed ideation in childhood and have had those feelings ever since. Mostly when I either sensed they felt the same or, that they were pro- choice enough not to go ballistic.
I haven't said it outright to family but, I feel like I've said more than enough around them for them to join the dots. I just think they don't want to. Even under high stress situations at work in the past, I've said more than I should. Again, they just went quiet, more than pushing for clarification. Which was a mercy- really. Maybe they wanted rid of me. Lol.
I'm curious really. How stone walled are you about ideation? How conscious are you to keep it all hidden? Do hints slip out from time to time? Do you have control over it?
It's usually when I'm feeling really stressed, that I'll let something slip. Often when another expectation or disappointment in me is dumped on me. I suppose because it provokes my rebellious side to say: 'No- this isn't reasonable because- I don't even want to be alive!' I am still conscious though- that it's probably stupid to hint at it. Just that, in that moment, I am too frustrated to care.
What are your experiences?
The unspoken inference of CTB?
I couldn't think of a better title for this thread, but I had a nagging thought over the years, with regards to a potential pattern I observed either IRL or through online platforms and spaces outside of SaSu. The thing I observed is where whenever someone is stressed or upset (for whatever...
sanctioned-suicide.net
And, it's inspired me to make a poll.
I suppose it is more targetted at people who have been trying to mask their ideation. Do you still think you've dropped hints that allude to you being suicidal or, wishing you were dead? Did you let those hints out more consciously or, by mistake? Did anyone pick up on them?
I've only told a handful of friends outright that I developed ideation in childhood and have had those feelings ever since. Mostly when I either sensed they felt the same or, that they were pro- choice enough not to go ballistic.
I haven't said it outright to family but, I feel like I've said more than enough around them for them to join the dots. I just think they don't want to. Even under high stress situations at work in the past, I've said more than I should. Again, they just went quiet, more than pushing for clarification. Which was a mercy- really. Maybe they wanted rid of me. Lol.
I'm curious really. How stone walled are you about ideation? How conscious are you to keep it all hidden? Do hints slip out from time to time? Do you have control over it?
It's usually when I'm feeling really stressed, that I'll let something slip. Often when another expectation or disappointment in me is dumped on me. I suppose because it provokes my rebellious side to say: 'No- this isn't reasonable because- I don't even want to be alive!' I am still conscious though- that it's probably stupid to hint at it. Just that, in that moment, I am too frustrated to care.
What are your experiences?
