This is the only place I belong anymore until my last day

[Siamese Believe]

I just can't be all that active anywhere else. Irl or online, no one truly understands. Only another suicidal person can truly comprehend the level of agony I'm in. Everyone else is just too okay, too hopeful, too optimistic, they have plenty to live for, plenty to strive for. And their worldviews won't allow them to hate themselves in the way that I hate myself.

The light inside them glistens brightly, I'm happy for them. But they can't understand my plight. And you can't open up because then you're just barring them down with what they refer to as self-pity and negativity. People love comforting lies, not hard truths. I constantly have suicide on my mind, it would be selfish of me to put that kind of triggering pressure on anyone else, no one should have to care. That's why I belong here.

 

[daruino]

I feel the same way. And honestly this forum has anything anyways. Aside from suicide there are also off topic discussions which amuse me as well.

I have trouble sharing my true thoughts with others in real life, partly because they're too negative or taboo, and they just don't understand. Whenever I tried I can tell I made the situation awkward.. It's created a certain distance between me and the people in my life, which makes interacting with them in general just feel excruciating since I'm not able to express myself as what feels true to myself..

It's none of their fault, but just why I prefer to be alone these days. I'm really happy this forum exists

 

[maylurker]

it makes sense but better be mindful that this forum isnt just suicidal people forum it can give really bad traumatic experiences in the long run since suicide is normalised here