Story This feeling of peace I had near-death (detail of attempt)

[25jiyuki]

2 days ago I attempted suicide, the same day my dosage of Lexapro was increased. While I was suffocating, and everything went dark, I felt a sense of peace like I never have in my life. The constant thoughts and harsh words in my mind all dimmed out, and I just thought. It's finally over. It'll finally be over…

The wonderful feeling disappeared when my survival instinct stopped me. I think it was that? I'm not so sure myself why I stopped. I felt dizzy, it took effort to breathe and my body was shaking. I was shocked and a little amazed at myself. After I was frozen in place for a few minutes, trying to breathe, my phone lit up and I saw that my messages were spammed by a loved one worried for me. I cried for a while. I must've stayed there for an hour before finding the will to get up. Going to my desk. I could walk if I put in the effort, but I felt weird. Everything felt wrong. It felt wrong just to walk through my room again. I wished I had succeeded.

Ever since then I've been craving that feeling, of the entire world disappearing, of that peace. I'm kinda curious if anyone had a similar feeling. Or maybe a different experience compared to mine?

 

[Pale_Rider]

I attempted, and went out. I cant say I felt peace, but maybe more satisfaction. For the same reason it was over, but I had worries about what was next. There was also a lot of emotional pain from the event itself, that I had to wade through.

 

[Unknown21]

2 days ago I attempted suicide, the same day my dosage of Lexapro was increased. While I was suffocating, and everything went dark, I felt a sense of peace like I never have in my life. The constant thoughts and harsh words in my mind all dimmed out, and I just thought. It's finally over. It'll finally be over…

The wonderful feeling disappeared when my survival instinct stopped me. I think it was that? I'm not so sure myself why I stopped. I felt dizzy, it took effort to breathe and my body was shaking. I was shocked and a little amazed at myself. After I was frozen in place for a few minutes, trying to breathe, my phone lit up and I saw that my messages were spammed by a loved one worried for me. I cried for a while. I must've stayed there for an hour before finding the will to get up. Going to my desk. I could walk if I put in the effort, but I felt weird. Everything felt wrong. It felt wrong just to walk through my room again. I wished I had succeeded.

Ever since then I've been craving that feeling, of the entire world disappearing, of that peace. I'm kinda curious if anyone had a similar feeling. Or maybe a different experience compared to mine?

That's what I'm craving too, it's kinda blessing and scary at the same time.

 

[RoseGirl]

I get that too. During my first suicide attempt i felt like that until my SI kicked in and told me "You must continue" :c

 

[Lily6759]

2 days ago I attempted suicide, the same day my dosage of Lexapro was increased. While I was suffocating, and everything went dark, I felt a sense of peace like I never have in my life. The constant thoughts and harsh words in my mind all dimmed out, and I just thought. It's finally over. It'll finally be over…

The wonderful feeling disappeared when my survival instinct stopped me. I think it was that? I'm not so sure myself why I stopped. I felt dizzy, it took effort to breathe and my body was shaking. I was shocked and a little amazed at myself. After I was frozen in place for a few minutes, trying to breathe, my phone lit up and I saw that my messages were spammed by a loved one worried for me. I cried for a while. I must've stayed there for an hour before finding the will to get up. Going to my desk. I could walk if I put in the effort, but I felt weird. Everything felt wrong. It felt wrong just to walk through my room again. I wished I had succeeded.

Ever since then I've been craving that feeling, of the entire world disappearing, of that peace. I'm kinda curious if anyone had a similar feeling. Or maybe a different experience compared to mine?

I had a really similar experience. I felt ready to die, I had messaged the people I needed to. I tried, I felt that peace, mixed with a rush and acceptance and then, SI stopped me. It felt like I wasn't really real. Like I was in a space I shouldn't have access to anymore. Almost like visiting a childhood home, and going to your room, but it's not your room anymore.

I want that feeling back too. I want to experience it again. I want to know peace properly. But I have to live for someone who's more important.

 

[itsoverforme303]

I wish I could just do it. I wish I had the courage I wish this pain would stop. I wish I just had peace and happiness for a few minutes. I have had nothing but anxiety and suicidal thoughts for the last 6 months or so. I just want it to end.

 

[Kta1994]

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