Recently, I thought maybe I am not in the worst time line possible. If I attempted suicide, If I drank the SN in 2024 before the police arrived 1 hours later at my home I would have way worse problems. Getting reanimated could have been really rough. And the impact on my family would have been way worse.
Actually I went throgh horrible therapeutic abuse that will leave scars and paranoia for the rest of my life. Might contriibute to my suicide in the longrun.
But I met someone during this therapy with whom I had my first kiss and my first romanitic/sexual experiences and this was worth a lot.
I know there are jokes about the Trump assassination and the time line we are currently in. Some centimeter could have changed word history. And it is funny to think about it in such a way.
My personal intution is small changes can have an extreme impact on the world. And there are extremely many extremely small changes all the time happening. And the chance is likely in combination they can change world history.
I think there are scenarios where my life could have been (even) way worse. Most of my problems rather emerged because of systemic developments though. FIrst I considered the thought actually I could have been a worse time line quite comforting. However, it is extremely unlikely that you are actually born. It is extremely unlikely your parents meet. It is extremely unlikely that the one sperm swims to the one egg cell. But actually would I be actually me if it turned out differently. In this hypothetic scenario there would have been a different sperm swimming to the egg cell then would I be a completely different person? I doubt I would have the same consciousness. Or would I? And in such a scenario would it be totally different to ask what if my consciousness would be connected to whole different person. But what is consciousness? Is my consciousness only "my" consciousness" because I am me. And in case I am reincarnated in a different person would my consciousness or parts of my consciousness stay the same (even though I lost all memories)?
So the notion theoretically it wouldn't be unlikely I could have worse can be comforting. And actually one should try to influence one's own outcome. But isn't it already extremely unlikely that I exist? Or maybe here statistics is deceiving and the actual answer is it was always 100% certain that I am conscious right this second in this body and this mind.
Actually I went throgh horrible therapeutic abuse that will leave scars and paranoia for the rest of my life. Might contriibute to my suicide in the longrun.
But I met someone during this therapy with whom I had my first kiss and my first romanitic/sexual experiences and this was worth a lot.
I know there are jokes about the Trump assassination and the time line we are currently in. Some centimeter could have changed word history. And it is funny to think about it in such a way.
My personal intution is small changes can have an extreme impact on the world. And there are extremely many extremely small changes all the time happening. And the chance is likely in combination they can change world history.
I think there are scenarios where my life could have been (even) way worse. Most of my problems rather emerged because of systemic developments though. FIrst I considered the thought actually I could have been a worse time line quite comforting. However, it is extremely unlikely that you are actually born. It is extremely unlikely your parents meet. It is extremely unlikely that the one sperm swims to the one egg cell. But actually would I be actually me if it turned out differently. In this hypothetic scenario there would have been a different sperm swimming to the egg cell then would I be a completely different person? I doubt I would have the same consciousness. Or would I? And in such a scenario would it be totally different to ask what if my consciousness would be connected to whole different person. But what is consciousness? Is my consciousness only "my" consciousness" because I am me. And in case I am reincarnated in a different person would my consciousness or parts of my consciousness stay the same (even though I lost all memories)?
So the notion theoretically it wouldn't be unlikely I could have worse can be comforting. And actually one should try to influence one's own outcome. But isn't it already extremely unlikely that I exist? Or maybe here statistics is deceiving and the actual answer is it was always 100% certain that I am conscious right this second in this body and this mind.
