Discussion The self-imposed barriers we introduce to CTB

[StrugglingSienna]

It's funny, the self-imposed barriers lots of us put up for CTB. I already have most of what I need for my chosen method, SN, everything except the Valium which I expect to have no difficulty in getting, and I thought it would feel pretty nice to have everything sitting in my lockbox to have an out to my suffering ready at any time.

And It for sure feels good, but now I'm anxious thinking about all the things I would absolutely not let myself leave without doing. Namely, cleaning my room and writing my note. Neither task is all that daunting, I'm not a hoarder or anything and I'm a decent writer, too. But when you're depressed like I am and already exhausted from work at the end of the day, these things seem like an insurmountable task. I'm sure I'll get around to it eventually, but I suspect I'll then realize some other tasks I want to get done before I go, and then it's back to square one.

I'm not looking for anyone to talk me out of these barriers by the way, just looking for discussion. I love my family and they deserve some effort from me before I off myself.

What self-imposed barriers are you struggling with before CTB?

 

[wiggy]

It is funny how capricious we can be about these things. Rationally speaking, we should be no more concerned about the moments immediately after our death than we are about the heat death of the universe.

 

[quietbird]

It's funny, the self-imposed barriers lots of us put up for CTB. I already have most of what I need for my chosen method, SN, everything except the Valium which I expect to have no difficulty in getting, and I thought it would feel pretty nice to have everything sitting in my lockbox to have an out to my suffering ready at any time.

And It for sure feels good, but now I'm anxious thinking about all the things I would absolutely not let myself leave without doing. Namely, cleaning my room and writing my note. Neither task is all that daunting, I'm not a hoarder or anything and I'm a decent writer, too. But when you're depressed like I am and already exhausted from work at the end of the day, these things seem like an insurmountable task. I'm sure I'll get around to it eventually, but I suspect I'll then realize some other tasks I want to get done before I go, and then it's back to square one.

I'm not looking for anyone to talk me out of these barriers by the way, just looking for discussion. I love my family and they deserve some effort from me before I off myself.

What self-imposed barriers are you struggling with before CTB?

I actually have the same as you...the cleaning (including virtually) and the note. I'm so exhausted already. I know people also suggest writing out things to help people access things. The more I've researched and mentally planned the more exhausted I've become on top of where I already was. I should have expected this, but didn't. This is a very good and illuminating question.