Right now I'm struggling with the OCD/anxiety/panic side of my mind. If I'm not dealing with this, then it is the Anhedonia/depression side of my mind. Both lead to me wanting to be dead.
The OCD and anxiety doesn't make much sense... my fears stem from a threat to my life or something/body I care about. My OCD revolves of a lot of house stuff like fire, CO, mold, bugs, cat dying, etc. Things that could kill me or lead to more suffering. (Doesn't make sense because I want to be dead, so why would I care about treats to my life?)
My Anhedonia makes me feel no positive emotions. Nothing. I can feel all the bad ones strongly, but nothing is enjoyable. I've lost all my hobbies because of this. There has been no improvement in this in many years which leads me to believe it's permanent. A life without any joy is not a life at all.
There is no middle point where I can just live between these two states of mind. I don't know what to do. Nothing has worked for the OCD or the Anhedonia, which are the things making me suicidal.
The OCD and anxiety doesn't make much sense... my fears stem from a threat to my life or something/body I care about. My OCD revolves of a lot of house stuff like fire, CO, mold, bugs, cat dying, etc. Things that could kill me or lead to more suffering. (Doesn't make sense because I want to be dead, so why would I care about treats to my life?)
My Anhedonia makes me feel no positive emotions. Nothing. I can feel all the bad ones strongly, but nothing is enjoyable. I've lost all my hobbies because of this. There has been no improvement in this in many years which leads me to believe it's permanent. A life without any joy is not a life at all.
There is no middle point where I can just live between these two states of mind. I don't know what to do. Nothing has worked for the OCD or the Anhedonia, which are the things making me suicidal.
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