Venting The past few days ive been denying myself eating enough because i feel angry and upset at myself

[UnartisticArtist]

I've been drawing for two years and yet i know that its not a long time i still feel upset that my art is nowhere near the way i want it to be. This feeling has been rapidly growing recently, to the point i feel like i don't deserve to give myself something good because i dont deserve a reward.



I havent been starving myself or anything, today i had coffee and a few chocolate wafer stick things (yesterday i ate more) ,if i were actually getting very hungry id eat, but basically my thought process when i'm drawing is:

"Damn im kinda a bit hungry id eat __." —> "But i don't actually need it because i'm not too hungry and also this fucking sucks. I'll eat something when i draw something good."

But then i don't draw something good so i'm angry and upset and try until i'm too frustrated and my back hurts so i go calm down a bit but by that time it's late so i'm not hungry anymore anyway.

I've been trying to draw everyday and there has been moments where ive felt proud but it never last long and then i'm frustrated again. I don't want to take a break from art, i want to improve and get better. Art is the only thing ive ever put this much effort in and if i fail i will lose the one thing that i'm not bad at.

I Don't want to tell anyone i know about this because its just pathetic how frustrated i feel and i don't like whining about my problems but still wanted to write it out somewhere.

 

[a-fond-farewell]

I get that. I feel so ashamed by my own musical abilities, yet music is so important to me, for my survival.

I find that my shame serves as a hindrance to my creativity, unfortunately, so it just feeds back into itself and I get more and more frustrated and more and more shameful.

just know that you aren't alone.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Denying yourself food isn't going to improve your drawing skills. I also don't get what you mean by "fail", since art isn't something that you just fail at. Unless you are taking an art class or something, I don't get how you would fail at art...

I've been drawing for nearly my whole life as a hobby and even I'm not as good at it as I think I should be. You have to remember that you are your worst critic. Your drawings probably aren't as bad as you think they are. Along with that, if you want to improve then the best way to do so would be through having people more skilled at drawing critique your art, since that will help you learn what you need to try and improve on.

Denying yourself food isn't going to do shit to make your drawings any better. Focus on your drawings and drawing skills themselves, not on unrelated crap like food intake.

 

[CTBsteve]

I do the same but with people. I treat people badly then I feel like I don't deserve things. It's really hard but don't compare yourself to others just try looking at your past work and maybe recreate something you did long ago so you can see how you've improved in comparison.

 

[UnartisticArtist]

Denying yourself food isn't going to improve your drawing skills. I also don't get what you mean by "fail", since art isn't something that you just fail at. Unless you are taking an art class or something, I don't get how you would fail at art...

I've been drawing for nearly my whole life as a hobby and even I'm not as good at it as I think I should be. You have to remember that you are your worst critic. Your drawings probably aren't as bad as you think they are. Along with that, if you want to improve then the best way to do so would be through having people more skilled at drawing critique your art, since that will help you learn what you need to try and improve on.

Denying yourself food isn't going to do shit to make your drawings any better. Focus on your drawings and drawing skills themselves, not on unrelated crap like food intake.

Yeah on the logical side i know that denying myself things will just worsen how i feel which won't amount to my progress at all, but on the non-logical one i feel the need to punish myself until i earn something good.

I worded myself wrongly, by fail i meant that i am worried i will not improve as good and as fast enough and that in the end my effort will be futile. I don't take art classes, but i put in a big amount of my time into trying to get better.


(In the attached screenshot most of the drawings are copies in attempt to learn something, i'm not good by myself lmao)

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Yeah on the logical side i know that denying myself things will just worsen how i feel which won't amount to my progress at all, but on the non-logical one i feel the need to punish myself until i earn something good.

I worded myself wrongly, by fail i meant that i am worried i will not improve as good and as fast enough and that in the end my effort will be futile. I don't take art classes, but i put in a big amount of my time into trying to get better.


(In the attached screenshot most of the drawings are copies in attempt to learn something, i'm not good by myself lmao)

Your drawings looks great!

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

What you describe sounds like a true artist. Of course every one is different, but the passion for it, seems to fit. Anyway, I can relate in a way, I punish myself like that too. Always have.