The Note

[aRose]

I have my CTB notes written but I need to print them.
Or should I make hand written copies?? I feel like that would be more meaningful"

I also plan to tell my soon-to-divorce-me husband off one last time. He's the reason my life officially fell apart after all. His neglect made me sicker.

I'd like someone to proof read my stuff but that's not really possible without blowing my cover.

Would anyone here like to do it?
I also have the Obituary and Funeral Service writings which imply enough but don't outright call him out by name. The suicide note is much more direct.
I

I have my CTB notes written but I need to print them.
Or should I make hand written copies?? I feel like that would be more meaningful"

I also plan to tell my soon-to-divorce-me husband off one last time. He's the reason my life officially fell apart after all. His neglect made me sicker.

I'd like someone to proof read my stuff but that's not really possible without blowing my cover.

Would anyone here like to do it?
I also have the Obituary and Funeral Service writings which imply enough but don't outright call him out by name. The suicide note is much more direct.

thinking it'd be best to share them in the private section… if anyone wants me to.

 

[TomIsNotMyName]

I would hand write them, at least that's what I'm going to do

 

[aRose]

Saw some others post theirs so I figured why not… this is my "general" note, I have separate notes for my kid and her father
—-
I need to be free. I have always craved constant motion and progress. I have an unending desire to see what's around the corner or over the next hill. But my body has decided I am not allowed to enjoy a casual stroll anymore. I used to ride horses, four wheelers, and bikes, or walk for days to get where I wanted to go but mostly just used my own two feet and a smile to go across the continent and back. But now everything hurts and nothing is enjoyable and I can I longer fake a smile. Now I must be tied to a bed and made to chemically relax. I feel like a caged animal just waiting to die. The pain is near-constant and worsening. The few random good days I have are lost to isolation, housework, or the indifference of others. Those good days happen less and less. The house is warm and the fridge is full but the home is empty, cold, and devoid of joy. My home - my body - the only thing I own, is now desolate. Please cover my body with beautiful flowers because I was not able to finish the job before it was time to leave.

I know right now, from the outside looking in, things seem manageable but they aren't. I can feel things progressing, regressing, fading, and manifesting newer and far worse disorders. Maybe I hastened it with bad behaviors or maybe I tried my best. That's a matter of opinion. Seeking comfort and an escape from it all has been messy, I'll admit. In the end it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of my situation because I'm alone all day every day so how would any of you even know? I used to think having rheumatic disease was miserable enough - until the next worse thing came along. And then another worse thing happened. The next next worse thing will not be manageable and I know I'll be left to rot slowly in a cold cot until it ends in a painful suffocating death rattle. I don't want any extreme measures taken, especially if there is brain or organ damage. I can already feel my brain declining and that is one of my worst fears - going totally insane before I die seems like a special type of hell. Please just let me go. I've tried my best to get help and it never really shows up and things just get progressively worse. I can't do anymore. I've done enough. It's time to rest.