The idea of doing it makes me so excited

[shadow_sunset]

I keep thinking of doing it. I'm scared but I'm also at a point where I don't really think I'll make it past the end of maybe 2026, the idea is just so liberating it makes me so happy to think I can be done with life almost like it's an option and it's out there, of course if we ignore the fact that I am scared and still don't have a solid plan it just makes me happy to be like wow I really can just like stop existing if I want it bad enough, I just don't know what makes me so scared. I guess in a way it's like ending up alive and just injured af and dependent on someone which I'm ultimately dying to end up avoiding. My life is such a fucked up irony. Anyways, does anyone feel that way? Like just wish I could just go through with it, and be serious, I've thought about ways for years but never actually try all I do is self harm and o don't even go deep which makes me feel so dumb, it feels good though like I can be overwhelmed and it'll calm me down and I like looking at it. It's weird I know, I just hope one day I can really just go through with it.

 

[Unhitched3040]

I also feel excited at the thought of dying. if only it wasn't so scary at the same time. I know what extreme pain feels like, and I don't ever want to go through that again in the case that I fail to kill myself quickly.