The fear of hell

[Liammm]

Being trans would send me to hell, as I am to persevere and carry my cross as Jesus did. It's supposed to be hard, right? I cut off all of my supportive friends and I've since wiped my whole slate clean-- no music that is not edifying. Not even an instagram reel. I put myself to death, to carry my cross.

I forced myself to look in the mirror, acknowledge that I am the man in the mirror, and that I was caught in a delusion. There is no room for error.

The choice is simple, pick up the cross and persevere or just burn in hell. I'd rather not burn in hell. So i made my choice.

I wanted to cut, but I cant. My body doesn't belong to me. As frustrating as that is, because everyone else got to enjoy it. Life isn't fair and it's supposed to be hard. And I can't kill myself because if I don't persevere I go to hell. At the very least, I dont inherit the kingdom of God.



Sorry, I talk too much. I dont know how to talk or communicate anymore. I felt my heart shatter when I heard a pastor inform me that this life is supposed to be suffering. I had to put to death the person inside of me. And it feels like... breathing with no heart. Moving without thoughts. I'm careful not to break God's law cause i dont want to go to hell. But the law doesn't save me too. I need to somehow love him too. How do i force myself to love him? After all, I would really like to not burn in hell for eternity.

I felt my heart shatter, when I deleted a certain playlist of mine. All the songs I compiled after my sexual assault, I had a playlist of nothing but women. And I had to delete every song. I listened one last time while crying. But emotions-- my emotions dont matter. All that matters is God. And I know that logically. And so I try to follow logically. But how do I know I'm on the right narrow path? What if I'm doing something wrong? What if I die in a week after falling away for one day? I just go to hell for messing up? I don't care about anything else, i just pray that i die at the right time. Like, right now. As soon as possible while I'm doing the right thing.

I'm sorry, sky. I loved you so much. You were who I envisioned myself to be. Taking my own skin, my own flesh back. All you wanted was to live life feeling things and spending time with your friends. But alas, I must steel myself. You must die, and I must carry on. I will miss my friends. I will miss my trans group. I will miss them all. I pray that i die soon-- and send my soul to heaven or anywhere else but hell or eternal torment. And i ask that you pray the same. I'm sorry.

 

[chunkercat_]

I think its important to remember that going to hell is not because you sin or one person sins more than the other, its seperation from god. its not your sins that send you to hell its just weather you believe in him and have a relationship with him or not. people have sinned and gone to heaven so dont criticize yourself for sinning differently. the only way you can be completely denied from heaven is continuous blasphemy of the holy spirit which you have not done. i know that because you still want to have a relationship with god. im not cathloc and i know they think/teach differently and tbh im not sure if you are. but i promise you, from what i see you have a relationship with him and want to continue to have a relationship with him. so i believe if you died today you would go to heaven.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

You wouldn't go to hell for being trans, I am an atheist but even if religion existed, an actual God would make the rules not some backwards ass priest who diddles children, that priest would go to hell in your place I can guarantee it, the only reason you think you will go to hell is because some absolute subhuman idiots hate the idea that you can be happy as trans and they are revolted by the idea of you existing so they plant religion in your head and make up the rules as they go to be able to control your every move.

Don't be afraid of man made rules, if there is a God , man made rules only apply on earth.

 

[alivefornow]

I'm not a believer but if Hell is real I welcome it. I want all the people who have ever known me to know I am eternally suffering in hell, and if they go to heaven, they will remember this as they suck their cruel God's dick. That the very same God condemned me to eternal torture. Lucky me none of this is real.

 

[Amarajoy]

God created you as you are. Binary gender is societally manufactured.

 

[Liammm]

God created you as you are. Binary gender is societally manufactured.

As much as i want to believe that, when everyone around me says otherwise it's impossible to not cave in. The God i once knew was not ruthless. But was comfort. But now I'm drawn to wrath and anger in this constant torture fest. I once never understood what drew people to hate God but I do now.

 

[bankai]

Interestingly, I do believe in a higher power. I don't believe in religion though. I believe religion is just a fabricated way to control the masses. But the higher power I believe in is out there somewhere. And I don't think it and others like it are the least bit interested in us.I think we're just primitive insects or less to beings like that.



Did I just describe aliens?