The fall into consciousness

[OnMyLast Legs]

Every morning I start to regain consciousness with some kind of dream, in some world where I'm not myself, like a video game. Over a few minutes I remember who I am and what I've made of my life. Oh s**t. And I want to die. Anyone else waking up this way?

 

[idiotmother]

Similarly I start waking up and am hit full force with my reality of my illness and probably death approaching. It's a terrible feeling, it gives me a hit of adrenaline in my heart, and I wish that I was back in my dreams.

 

[badatparties]

Nope. I rarely have dreams that i can remember.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Nope. I rarely have dreams that i can remember.

Honestly it's the trazodone. And I'm still not really dreaming, it could be called wandering thoughts or disorientation when I wake up.

 

[ummwhaaat]

Honestly it's the trazodone. And I'm still not really dreaming, it could be called wandering thoughts or disorientation when I wake up.

I'm on Duloxetine and Quetiapine (low dose, for helping with sleep) - I get some intense hallucinations most of the time when I'm going to sleep/waking up too. I don't read too much into it. It was kind of scary at first, but my psychiatrist told me it's not psychosis-related or anything because I don't get paranoid etc. and I'm aware that they are just hallucionations.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Holy shit, I've been rotting for 4 hours. I don't have any thoughts left but going out back and hanging myself. But I won't.

 

[littlecutecorpse]

quite aplenty of times personally. it feels great when it's the end of the day and i get sleepy enough to slip into unconsciousness for the night. it's liberating, like i can forget about all the horrors in my life and not have to suffer any longer for some time. but once i wake up, all those memories come flooding back in and makes me feel utterly hopeless and miserable....i hate having to be reminded that i'm still alive everyday, that i have to continue suffering and drag my feet along this barren road because i've lost all hope of being able to turn this life around. it's no use. i wish that on my bus date, i can finally go to sleep for one last time and not wake up again, that way i can finally be free.