The dead have a type of peace the living dont.

[iamthezero]

I'm burying my oldest sister tomorrow. She went to a christmas party and two guys came in. One laid down, one stood up and opened fire. Seven people were hit but she was the only critical. She died after a month in the hospital. No Christmas, no new years, on my brothers birthday. Im..so numb but feeling everything. Like i have been planing my ending for 6 months now. She fucked everything up. I begged God to take me. She loved life. Was the life of everything. Always had her face done, nails done hair pretty, dress heels. Just one of those pretty diva girls. I was the one who wanted to die. The one who was dead inside and out. It should have been me. Nothing is fucking fair. Now im left feeling im not allowed to die because i have to be present at this time for my family. Im in so much pain. Drugs dont help. Drinking doesnt help. Nothing helps for long. I dont know what to do. Relapsed. Three fucking years. I started back shooting up. Its the only that helps but i cant afford. I lost my job. I have no fucking money. I have nothing. I am nothing.

 

[bigj75]

"She fucked everything up"

Damn!

 

[TheCrow]

Omg, I am so terribly sorry. If I lost my sister, I'd start using H again, too. Your post makes me cry. Sending you light & love for tomorrow.

 

[iamthezero]

"She fucked everything up"

Damn!

My morbid sense of humor usually comes off as me being insensitive. I just imagine her where ever she is finding this quite entertaining, because she was team drama queen. What a perfect time. Not to mention I'm still pretty pissed at every about the situation: the fact she died out of nowhere instead of me, the fact the police have their thumbs up their asses, and fact that my brothers birthday, Christmas, and new years will never be the same.

 

[TheCrow]

How are you doing now?

 

[bigj75]

My morbid sense of humor usually comes off as me being insensitive. I just imagine her where ever she is finding this quite entertaining, because she was team drama queen. What a perfect time. Not to mention I'm still pretty pissed at every about the situation: the fact she died out of nowhere instead of me, the fact the police have their thumbs up their asses, and fact that my brothers birthday, Christmas, and new years will never be the same.

That's messed up. But understandable. Hope everything works out for you.

 

[DontFearTheReaper]

I'm burying my oldest sister tomorrow. She went to a christmas party and two guys came in. One laid down, one stood up and opened fire. Seven people were hit but she was the only critical. She died after a month in the hospital. No Christmas, no new years, on my brothers birthday. Im..so numb but feeling everything. Like i have been planing my ending for 6 months now. She fucked everything up. I begged God to take me. She loved life. Was the life of everything. Always had her face done, nails done hair pretty, dress heels. Just one of those pretty diva girls. I was the one who wanted to die. The one who was dead inside and out. It should have been me. Nothing is fucking fair. Now im left feeling im not allowed to die because i have to be present at this time for my family. Im in so much pain. Drugs dont help. Drinking doesnt help. Nothing helps for long. I dont know what to do. Relapsed. Three fucking years. I started back shooting up. Its the only that helps but i cant afford. I lost my job. I have no fucking money. I have nothing. I am nothing.

Sorry to hear you are suffering. Do not blame yourself for reacting this way. You are doing the best you can to cope and survive. This life is unfair. Nature is uncaring for suffering. You see that when cats play with mice and dont even seem to realize the mouse is an alive beeing. Cat responds the same to a moving toy. Human life works much the same. This suffering that happens, like your sister dying. You could not influence it. Nature does these cruel things. It has no mind to care or realize what it does. It puts us on this planet without asking for it. It takes without asking for it. I hope you will get through this. Once your grief is less you can do it again. Beat the addiction again. Keep hope, my heart goes out to you.

 

[TAW122]

Very sorry to hear that your oldest sister has passed away and you are burying her. I agree that life isn't fair and while the universe doesn't give a damn about fairness or suffering, the best you can do is cope with the situation. If you are on to a road of recovery again, then I wish you the best in that road.