Suicide is not a single act, it's a process.

[RainAndSadness]

It's something I've realized recently after years of talking to suicidal people and I've noticed in myself too, suicide is not a single act. It's not one action and then, poof, it happened. For many of us, it starts weeks before, months or even years, maybe even subconsciously before you think about doing it. And I think that's something people need to realize who really care about avoiding and preventing it, it's not a clear cut. It's not, oh this person is alive now, and then they do something and now they're not alive anymore and that's when they committed suicide. It's way more complex than that. That's also not how you prevent suicide in a meaningful way, really. Like just today someone mentioned the suicide hotline again, as if having one call and one talk is enough and then you're fine again, right. I mean I've talked about this years ago already. And I'm not even talking about my personality disorder that would render this type of help useless anyway. Like, it wouldn't do anything for me. The hole I dug for myself is so deep already, and that's been a process over several years, the amount of effort and work you'd need to invest to pull out of there again would be so much work, it's just not realistic anymore. In my case, it's been a long and painful deterioration, mentally and physically, like I'm clinging to any coping mechanism I have at this point, just to stay alive, but doing that is destroying me in different ways. Like there is no way out, you could actually make the case I was in a better condition 5 years ago and all this did was prolong the inevitable. I've known people who were addicted to drugs and they were already drowinng, months before they committed suicide and I think that's probably one of the better ways to visualize that process. It might not apply to everyone out there but I feel like it's really not just that one act, it's a long process: it's self-destructing behavior, it's trying to fight against it with everything you have, it's failing, trying again, it's the planning, it's getting closure with one's decision and these are things that happen a long time before the actual act. Like realistically speaking, my suicide started many years ago, yeah I tried to bounce back but to no avail, I keep ending up in this cursed dead end and really I'm not in any different place as I was 2018, except I'm older now and maybe in a worse condition and that's it. I think we, as a society, need to get away from the idea, that a person is alive and they haven't actually committed suicide yet until a very specific act happens. Just because the process that leads to the climax is invisible, and I'll just describe it like that now, doesn't mean it's not already happening, to people around us. That's at least my perspective on it. Like yeah, I'm alive but that really means nothing, let's be honest. When it comes to my quality of life, you could as well say I died 10 years ago and that's basically where I would say it started. But again, I'm not saying it applies to everyone else, but I think it's an accurate way to describe the process of suicide for a lot of people.

Just writing it down. Cheers.

 

[Quietist]

Real shit. Thank you for your take.

 

[volo]

Slow and painful deterioration, yes, until one can't take it any more, I guess. Sometimes I even wonder, if I'll have enough left in me to do the actual act…
I don't think that the society gets the magnitude of the pain.

 

[Aknu132]

I'm sorry for your pain Rain, we are on the same boat. We are accumulating more and more pain, and no one is going to help us get out of it.

 

[AngelTear]

Thank you for saying this. I've had people say to my face that "suicide isn't hard" because xyz or that I'm faking it for talking about it so much (even though I had already attempted before) but it's such a long process to endure before you finally end up committing. My suicide has been over half my life before I even attempted and it still going on.

 

[TransientEternal]

I don't remember much, but I'm pretty sure I've been suicidal since before I hit double digits in age. The only thing time has done is reduce the delay between the thoughts and increase the desire/certainty of it. Suicidal -> Don't do my best -> Quality of life worsens -> Become more suicidal. Repeat this till now.

 

[X-sanguinate86]

An honest and truly caring society (let's be serious though, that's never existed) would help suicidals through the process, including speeding it up where possible. People with problems or who just failed to be healthy competitive players in the game of life are now wanted by the bulk of the human population. The disdain the healthy normies have for the problematic people is a compounding factor that makes it all the more impossible for the process to truly be reversed.

 

[X-sanguinate86]

Edit: People with problems or who just failed to be healthy competitive players in the game of life are NOT wanted by the bulk of the human population.

 

[iwkmsssb]

took the words right out of my mouth. it really is a long process whether it comes to the worsening of it and the time to make the decision to ctb. to others it may come out of nowhere but it brews over weeks, months and years.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I absolutely agree. I very much doubt many suicides are impulsive. In fact, it seems like the majority of people here began experiencing ideation in childhood.

For me and I imagine others- even the thoughts themselves can be a kind of journey. The first time I had a thought about suicide, I was ten. It frightened me- because I had been taught that suicide was sinful and cowardly. It actually didn't take me long at all- on having subsequent thoughts- to decide that those were other people's perspectives on it. Not mine. To me- it made sense that I would want to escape my life as it was.

So- I think even the action of giving ourselves permission to consider suicide as a feasible choice can be a kind of journey.

After that, we'll like struggle with the morality of leaving loved ones, possibly doubts as to whether we can turn our lives around. Issues with religion. Not to mention the issue of deciding on a method we feel confident/ comfortable enough with and overcoming SI.

I definitely agree though. I tend to suspect perhaps the majority of suicides are slow burn, rather than impulsive.

What I suppose I do wonder is- if more of us felt able to discuss our feelings- the first time they appeared- would that help? Getting help that early on may set us on a different path. I've lived 36 years with ideation without my parents or many of my family even realising- for definite anyway. I find that kind of weird when I think about it.

But, I don't think making suicide so tabboo or, treating it with such alarm and heavy handedness in some cases does anyone any favours.

I definitely think more could be done early on though- to prevent things becoming so bad that someone does suicide. It's really kind of uncaring in a way- that so much focus is placed on preventing the act of suicide and not preventing the depression or whatever else that lead to it.

 

[toocraptoolong]

I agree. The life parts can become just numbness and the suicidal parts just part of a long term plan.

 

[The Disqualified]

Yeah, I understand and agree.
I see suicide as something that is deeply connected to our society and politics.
In another world or time period, we may very well have lived our lives till their natural end.
I keep thinking about how environmental mental illness, and suicide for that matter, often is.
I don't get the impression that most mentally ill people are so in any fatalistic sense. It seems to me that, above all, they are exhausted by living in modern society, especially as mental health support is often lacking and not that effective.

 

[TAW122]

Another good post by RAS. This is well said and I concur with this perspective. I don't feel that my intention to suicide has really changed ever since I've planned and decided that I will do it at some point. I may have delayed and postponed for one reason or another, some factor here and there, but ultimately, suicide is an inevitability for me, with some instances being relatively close, like for once, this year, if my trip didn't go well, I may well very have just decided "well that's it" and just went on with an attempt sometime in the earlier months of 2026. Fortunately, even though things have been bearable at that time, it doesn't mean that I have just forgone the idea and intention of suicide. To me, it is always a matter of time and circumstance and my thoughts on that has not and will never really change. I don't think even in the most ideal circumstances (unrealistic of course) that I would ever just think, oh life is so good and never think about or have the option of suicide. Suicide is always and will always be an option on the table for me.