Suicide feels like the world’s greatest contingency plan, it’s always the last card to draw

[Siamese Believe]

Don't like how this or that is going? Won't matter, gonna kill myself in the end anyways.

Feel like you don't have a desirable future? Eh, gonna end it soon anyways, only the present matters, trying to be as comfortable as possible.

Feel like someone is ruining any of semblance of peace you can have in your last days of life? They'll regret it when they find my cold corpse.

I feel like it gives some sort of twisted power in a way. Because if someone doesn't have anything to lose, but maybe something has happened to keep them here a little bit longer, If they don't get their way, they will just end it sooner since they were gonna do that anyways.

How do you really stop or control someone who really has nothing to lose like that? I feel like you can only win one way or the other.

 

[badatparties]

A lot worse things than death can happen to you, that's why people check out early.

 

[glided~hydrangea]

Don't like how this or that is going? Won't matter, gonna kill myself in the end anyways.

Feel like you don't have a desirable future? Eh, gonna end it soon anyways, only the present matters, trying to be as comfortable as possible.

Feel like someone is ruining any of semblance of peace you can have in your last days of life? They'll regret it when they find my cold corpse.

I feel like it gives some sort of twisted power in a way. Because if someone doesn't have anything to lose, but maybe something has happened to keep them here a little bit longer, If they don't get their way, they will just end it sooner since they were gonna do that anyways.

How do you really stop or control someone who really has nothing to lose like that? I feel like you can only win one way or the other.

This is definitely a really valid take to have. Genuinely my exact logic, although more unconsciously up until now, I suppose . You really put it into more tangible words lmao, it's like literally no matter what happens we always have that sort of "leverage" in our back pockets. I guess if you think about it, it kind of has the propensity to make life… oddly optimistic? At least in a sense . Like no matter what happens ik I'm gonna ctb anyways so might as well do what I can, #yolo

 

[EmptyBottle]

This is definitely a really valid take to have. Genuinely my exact logic, although more unconsciously up until now, I suppose . You really put it into more tangible words lmao, it's like literally no matter what happens we always have that sort of "leverage" in our back pockets. I guess if you think about it, it kind of has the propensity to make life… oddly optimistic? At least in a sense . Like no matter what happens ik I'm gonna ctb anyways so might as well do what I can, #yolo

indeed, that describes the call of the one way bus quite well... I see it not really as leverage, but as a last resort option... tho the option sometimes tends to oscillate between "reasonable" and "less reasonable" (at least, for me.. and maybe some others).

 

[witchbimbo]

indeed, that describes the call of the one way bus quite well... I see it not really as leverage, but as a last resort option... tho the option sometimes tends to oscillate between "reasonable" and "less reasonable" (at least, for me.. and maybe some others).

That's how I feel about it overall too.
Like rn I'm still trying, but I'm here because it's not unlikely that I'll eventually CTB.

Currently my mindset is wanting to be sure I'm not giving up on some more recent supports that might help but, between the physical and mental pain, and exhaustion I still believe I'll complete run out of the will to keep pushing.

Sometimes, it's even motivating for me to fully embrace the option to opt out of life entirely as a reasonable contingency plan! I can be the bleakest of optimists in that way lol

 

[SufferingDev]

I agree and that's how I see CTB now.

Right now I don't know what will happen in few days, weeks - there is chance my boyfriend will leave me or just that he indeed cheated on me.

In both of that cases - I have decided that I will just "log out".

It is not about him or love or whatever - people say that he is not the only person on this world - it's also not like this is my first or even second relationship - I got over such things - and I know as much as I will suffer I will get over it.

But - do I want to? I start seeing life (at least mine) as a repeating cycle - whenever things are getting better, whenever I feel okay now I am doing it - it's good...for some time - and then again, everything falls apart with a huge bang.

And each time it happened - I did survive - but the actual question is whether I really want to live in such cycle? I can endure it over and over and over again - or I can just say no.

That's why this is like my last play - if I loose, I go away.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I've seen suicide as a backup plan for 15 years. I regret it. I didn't take death seriously enough. It helped me not take life seriously enough. All I want is another chance, but that's impossible. That leaves the noose, which I'm too afraid to use.