I am saved. I've believed in God since I was a child and I know He knows I have no hate or sin in my heart. At worst I feel like I'll end up for a few hundred years in purgatory first, which is chill, I could do that standing on my head. I feel more guilt that I've let down God tbh, I pray to Him to kill me or take me to Him just about daily, and it seems He has bigger plans for me. Bro I'm just an idiotic human, please show me where I'm supposed to be if you want me alive so badly lol. I wish I was born as some dumb animal instead that isn't tortured by depression and anxiety, just living in the moment from one day to the next.
FWIW if you're Catholic, the Church has abandoned the notion of suicide = Hell long ago.