Back in October I had a relapse in anorexia. I began losing weight and somehow that gave me a reason to live, I stopped being suicidal for a few months. I felt like I had a goal, something to go towards. Even though I felt like shit the whole time, obviously. I am currently in a clinic/hospital since March, and I've been getting better, I'm starting to eat and gain weight. But now that my ED is going away, the suicidal thoughts are coming back. I'm Tuesday I cut myself for the first time in more than a month. Hell, I even signed up for this site, and that should say a lot. Will I go back to how I was before? Always in psych wards? Always wanting to die? I'm scared
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