Help suffering from schizophrenia，i am forced tolive

[lifelover0037]

Every day, thousands upon thousands of thoughts that come from unknown sources are forcefully inserted into the mind and swirling around. Every time when others think there are many real "bad people" around me, it makes me even more miserable. Because deep down in my heart, I know that this malice does not exist in an concrete form. But the feeling is so real that it makes one have to believe it. My thoughts are like being implanted by a chip. A living hell.I'm constantly caught up in this chaotic frenzy that makes me lose my grip on reality. I end up waving a knife around, screaming like a lunatic, choking people, or even sending them straight to the ER, only to get a visit from the cops. This invisible malice is always swirling around my mind—people on the street seem to lunge at me, and even lying in bed, I hear sharp, hateful insults. It forces me to do these awful things, and in the end, everyone sees me as the villain, just like I imagined from the start. I've turned this imagined malice into something real. If I don't deal with these thoughts that aren't even mine, I can't escape this. I'm stuck living with this hatred. The thought that every living thing, humans included, would want to torture or kill me just for existing is unbearable, but everyone thinks I'm being ridiculous. It's because my thoughts aren't my own—my brain's like a program that's been forced on me, driving this hatred until I die. idk what to do now,help me please

 

[Haibane-renmei-reki]

firstly sorry for your suffering and the way society treats you but do you go to the psychward?
i used to have a friend like you, he hated going to the psychward but he eventually realized it's important, there were times when he wanted to take an axe and kill a random person and he would have most likely done it if not forhis psychward visits which would last for over a month each time

 

[tiredoflife2]

So sorry you are going through this, it must be awful for you. This might be inappropriate but have you heard of Jerry Marzinsky, he talks a lot about schizophrenia and where these voices may come from.

 

[lifelover0037]

firstly sorry for your suffering and the way society treats you but do you go to the psychward?
i used to have a friend like you, he hated going to the psychward but he eventually realized it's important, there were times when he wanted to take an axe and kill a random person and he would have most likely done it if not forhis psychward visits which would last for over a month each time

in my conntry theres no psychward . i was sent to the mental hospital in 2023 but i refused.Mental health care in our country is terrible Most psychiatrists prescribe random medications to patients and even trigger their trauma.I was previously taking paliperidone and valproic acid sodium, which somewhat alleviated my hallucinations, paranoia, and delusions. but due to the severe side effects, I have stopped taking them for half a year. I am on the verge of going crazy now. I am struggling whether to resume medication.thanks foryour concern

So sorry you are going through this, it must be awful for you. This might be inappropriate but have you heard of Jerry Marzinsky, he talks a lot about schizophrenia and where these voices may come from.

thank u,i will read some later

 

[Haibane-renmei-reki]

in my conntry theres no psychward . i was sent to the mental hospital in 2023 but i refused.Mental health care in our country is terrible Most psychiatrists prescribe random medications to patients and even trigger their trauma.I was previously taking paliperidone and valproic acid sodium, which somewhat alleviated my hallucinations, paranoia, and delusions. but due to the severe side effects, I have stopped taking them for half a year. I am on the verge of going crazy now. I am struggling whether to resume medication.thanks foryour concern

thank u,i will read some later

my advice is to make sure any sharp tool is away from you for now, you may do something dangerous to someone and end up in jail easily

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so horrible and torturous what you have to go through, it's just so terrible to me how there's all this suffering in existing, I hope you find the relief you search for, I wish you the best.

 

[biboro]

I'm so sorry, this sounds unbearable. Are you able to recognize your delusions? It sounds like you are very aware of them :(

 

[lifelover0037]

I'm so sorry, this sounds unbearable. Are you able to recognize your delusions? It sounds like you are very aware of them :(

I also have delusions in my waking state, when I can distinguish them, but once I am in a state of madness, I am hostile and suspicious of anyone, The world had suddenly become a very dangerous place, and I could see the malice in the faces of every passer-by。and in the end no one can understand me