Venting Stalling

[shiba]

I've been distracting myself with things that really don't matter. I phrase this as a distraction not recovery because I haven't and won't take any steps to improve myself. I don't enjoy living like this, but I distract myself still. There isn't any reason I'm delaying. I can only see things getting worse. It might look like this is because I don't want to die and I should try recovery, but I'm not recovering at all. Things have only ever gotten worse for me, and in the future I may curse myself for not taking my life sooner. I don't want to wait until I screw my life up to do this, but I still stall. Maybe because I don't have the motivation to prepare things, or maybe for no reason at all. When I think about it I arrive at the same conclusion; dying would be better than living. For now I will continue inching closer to death. I don't like mentally avoiding it when It's still something I plan on doing.

 

[Worndown]

You say stalling.
I say not ready yet.
Some day you might do it...or not.
People recover or at least find ways to cope.
That chapter has not been written yet.