A note on abstention:
I think one should not ctb right away if anyway undecided, and u do want to go through the thinking before making your choices.
I appreciate your will to share your stories and feelings and you're respected and need to be heard. A kind reminder tho, this subforum is meant for suggestions to the mod / forum team. Post on the main forum if you're asking for being advised. If u wanna share more or need to vent and I'll be there. It's great if u have access to chat (not likely yet) in u expect real-time responses. You're not neglected at all.
I wish u the best for making either choice, and hope u find what u're looking for. we're not a suicide cult after all