Discussion Sometimes I wish I were neurotypical or religious

[skeptikus]

I objectively think my suicidal tendencies stem from a neurodivergent brain. My brain is just weird without even trying. For example, what most people like tend to not interest me.

In addition, since college, I consider myself an agnostic. Sometimes, I wish I were more "normal." But my brain just isn't receptive to religious teachings. If I genuinely believe there is a god, maybe I will not be suicidal.

Thoughts?

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I objectively think my suicidal tendencies stem from a neurodivergent brain. My brain is just weird without even trying. For example, what most people like tend to not interest me.

In addition, since college, I consider myself an agnostic. Sometimes, I wish I were more "normal." But my brain just isn't receptive to religious teachings. If I genuinely believe there is a god, maybe I will not be suicidal.

Thoughts?

Unfortunately suicidality is incredibly common among us religious folk. It's also, even in this day and age, highly stigmatized.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Even many neurotypical people and religious people suffer from suicidal tendencies. Hell, I'm neurotypical I've been suicidal for a good chunk of my life.

 

[nuva]

same
I tried to find at least some religion for myself, hoping that faith would help me get rid of these thoughts, but apparently I am also not receptive to their teachings,despite the fact that I grew up in a christian family

 

[Linda]

I objectively think my suicidal tendencies stem from a neurodivergent brain. My brain is just weird without even trying. For example, what most people like tend to not interest me.

In addition, since college, I consider myself an agnostic. Sometimes, I wish I were more "normal." But my brain just isn't receptive to religious teachings. If I genuinely believe there is a god, maybe I will not be suicidal.

Thoughts?

I understand what you are saying, but you are who you are. No point wishing you were someone else. Make the most of being yourself. Since you are not one of the sheep, you probably have more to offer the world.

 

[SomewhereAlongThe]

My autism has been in my way since I was a little kid. From extreme perfectionism as a little girl - to isolation and loneliness growing up. When I was religious everything was good, I cooked, showered, went out and lived life. It was the best period of my life... until my Bipolar showed up and I started having delusions of grandeur and multiple other delusions. It was horrible, I thought I was a prophetess and screamed bible verses on the corner of the streets. Afterwards I was done with religion and I just didn't believe anymore. Since then my life has gone downhill, with no purpose at all. Now I just wanna kill myself because I have passions I lack the ability to pursue. My autism gets in the way of that too.

 

[lookingglassinsect]

Statistically, neurodivergent people are more likely to experience suicidal ideation.

For example, what most people like tend to not interest me.

If you have a genuine interest in something, you can use it as your strong suit.

 

[skeptikus]

Unfortunately suicidality is incredibly common among us religious folk. It's also, even in this day and age, highly stigmatized.

So you think, in general, we don't here much about suicide from religious people because you are just more afraid to speak, not because its prevalence is lower in your group?

Even many neurotypical people and religious people suffer from suicidal tendencies. Hell, I'm neurotypical I've been suicidal for a good chunk of my life.

In what sense can you say you are neurotypical? I sincerely believe if a person has suicidal tendencies, which goes against everything we know about nature, you are highly likely neurodivergent?

Statistically, neurodivergent people are more likely to experience suicidal ideation.

If you have a genuine interest in something, you can use it as your strong suit.

That's the problem. I have some interest, I get addicted to it for days, months if I'm lucky, then I lose interest. And the cycle repeats. So in the end, I achieve nothing.

I'm just so tired of forcing myself to wake up every day. I envy people who just go for it upon waking up.

 

[Don’tWakeMe]

Statistically, neurodivergent people are more likely to experience suicidal ideation.

If you have a genuine interest in something, you can use it as your strong suit.

Neurodivergent people often have cooccurring anxiety and depression, especially those of us who went undiagnosed until adulthood. Growing up with expectations you can never quite reach really grinds you down over time.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

In what sense can you say you are neurotypical? I sincerely believe if a person has suicidal tendencies, which goes against everything we know about nature, you are highly likely neurodivergent?

Being suicidal doesn't make you neurodivergent. Suicidal tendencies can literally appear in anyone. Making suicidal tendencies out to be something that only NDs can experience is nothing short of incredibly fucking stupid. Don't fucking go around and try to speculate whether or not people are ND. It's fucking rude!

 

[Don’tWakeMe]

I imagine I'd be happier with a different brain. If anything were easier. If life didn't feel like I was climbing a vertical wall of polished marble. But nothing is easier. And life has been hard and painful and lonely. And most of the people who make it feel less lonely are so far away.

I think I'd be happier if I were dumb. If I couldn't reflect and understand the toxic relationships I can't leave. I live with them and I can't afford to leave. If I weren't aware that I am the person standing in my way and holding me back.

I wish I could have faith or religion. My parents both went to Catholic school and never went back after they left their parents' homes. I'm viscerally repulsed by religion. I can only see it through a Catholic or doomsday cultish lens. I perceive religion as groups of people who can't or won't think for themselves. But I envy their faith.

 

[Unsure and Useless]

Coming from a Catholic, I think being religious (or, at the very least, having religious beliefs) puts you more in a rough spot when it comes to CTB.

Putting aside the toxic culture surrounding most Christian denominations, having faith in God makes you feel shitty for having these kind of thoughts in the first place because you're taught from a young age that God gave you the gift of life—therefore, you'd be ungrateful for "throwing it away." I can't speak for all Christians, but this belief only worsens any CTB-adjacent thoughts because how could you want to waste God's gift? He is benevolent to grant you life, yet you want to throw it away. How ungrateful and selfish! Honestly, I think it's this belief that led to the idea that people who commit CTB are selfish.

Not only that, but there's also spiritual consequences to CTB. Going through with it is a one-way ticket to Hell. There's no ifs, ands, or buts. God doesn't care if you're depressed, neurodivergent, queer, or what have you; all that matters is you CTB and that means you wasted God's gift, so to Hell you go.

Being religious keeps you alive, sure, but it doesn't remedy the depression, anxiety, and other issues driving you to want to CTB in the first place. Because of that, you're essentially forced into limbo: you want to die, but you're scared of being ungrateful and suffering from eternal divine punishment.

Still, this is my perspective on the matter, so other people's are bound to be different, even yours.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

So you think, in general, we don't here much about suicide from religious people because you are just more afraid to speak, not because its prevalence is lower in your group?

In what sense can you say you are neurotypical? I sincerely believe if a person has suicidal tendencies, which goes against everything we know about nature, you are highly likely neurodivergent?

That's the problem. I have some interest, I get addicted to it for days, months if I'm lucky, then I lose interest. And the cycle repeats. So in the end, I achieve nothing.

I'm just so tired of forcing myself to wake up every day. I envy people who just go for it upon waking up.

Sorry for the delay.

SI is rampant among religious people but they either don't want to say anything due to stigma or they TRY to say something...and they're silenced in some way (exorcism, shunning, etc). Life sucks for all of us I'm afraid.