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dissociatedmess

dissociatedmess

Member
Apr 30, 2022
16
It borders on obsession.
We all lost you two years ago, and I'm still searching for pieces of your existence.
Compared to everyone else, I didn't really know you. We were friends, we dated in high school, we reconnected.
We found out we both suffer... From the same rare thing.
I was optimistic. I was hopeful.
We could confide in each other. We finally each had someone who not only knew that secret, but understood it because we both suffered.

When I lost you I lost hope. I lost that chance. I lost the memories we didn't get to form.
I miss your messages and your sense of humor. I miss how dark you were and how honest and brutal you knew life was.
I miss the realness of you.

When you died, your sister told me I was a safe space for you. I was important.
I needed so badly to hear that but to this day I question if it's true.

I screamed so hard because I thought that if I could scream hard enough, if i wanted it badly enough, you would come back.
You would not be gone.
You would have been with me that night, like you were supposed to be.

I know I feel so intensely, in a way that isn't healthy.
I know it doesn't make sense to other people.
I grow attachments to people that are so tethered I cannot break from it once they leave.
Maybe I'm wrong for feeling like I cannot escape this grief.

I wonder if you came here.
I wonder if I'm following in your footsteps.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,645
It sounds so painful and devastating what you are going through. I'm sorry that you are suffering so much. I wish you the best.
 
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dissociatedmess

dissociatedmess

Member
Apr 30, 2022
16
It sounds so painful and devastating what you are going through. I'm sorry that you are suffering so much. I wish you the best.

Thank you. I see you post a lot, you always have something kind to say and I hope you know how appreciated that is. :heart:
 
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virgilwalks

Student
Apr 7, 2022
121
Loss of a true connection is so painful. To reconnect and then experience the loss again - i understand. To wonder if it was really what you thought it could be is a natural permanent unanswered question. I get it. You are important. You matter. You have worth.
 
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