Some things that I've previously posted have been resolved, and there is some hope for my future, but I am still so depressed. I guess it's more like I'm tired of trying. Well things are okay with my roommates now besides the old guy that is creeping on more than just me and I don't get when I am supposed to find even a home I can feel safe in. I went from childhood abuse to all this bullshit after leaving home and I'm so tired of being a target for people I just want to be left alone.
I also am really tired of not having real or close friends and people really only liking me for what they want sexually. Especially cause I don't even get anything out of it. And I'm tired of my trauma and oppression being erased even when I try to open up about it and just feeling like there is no solace anywhere I go. I don't belong anywhere with my family, no real/close friends, no SO, don't belong in typical workplace, am not in school and don't belong generally in the public too. I'm just so tired of dealing with things in silence and then people will just punch down even more. I'm tired of people justifying bullying people and I'm tired of being treated like I'm not allowed to be upset about it.
And this is going to be just yet another year of not having like real holiday celebrations. Well some of my roommates said we could have a party but then we'd still have to deal with the creepy roommate being there. I just get tired of seeing people fit in so well in all their aspects of life and having the holidays to look forward to and don't have to deal with living with a creep and being happy. I'm just so tired of being sad.
I really still try to make positive changes to my life but it's so difficult to feel like it's gonna make any difference and either way I'm so tired of getting through everything alone. People aren't meant to deal with life alone so I just get really depressed thinking this is how my life is gonna be now? Just dealing with really upsetting and sad things in silence and just being alone all the time?
I also am really tired of not having real or close friends and people really only liking me for what they want sexually. Especially cause I don't even get anything out of it. And I'm tired of my trauma and oppression being erased even when I try to open up about it and just feeling like there is no solace anywhere I go. I don't belong anywhere with my family, no real/close friends, no SO, don't belong in typical workplace, am not in school and don't belong generally in the public too. I'm just so tired of dealing with things in silence and then people will just punch down even more. I'm tired of people justifying bullying people and I'm tired of being treated like I'm not allowed to be upset about it.
And this is going to be just yet another year of not having like real holiday celebrations. Well some of my roommates said we could have a party but then we'd still have to deal with the creepy roommate being there. I just get tired of seeing people fit in so well in all their aspects of life and having the holidays to look forward to and don't have to deal with living with a creep and being happy. I'm just so tired of being sad.
I really still try to make positive changes to my life but it's so difficult to feel like it's gonna make any difference and either way I'm so tired of getting through everything alone. People aren't meant to deal with life alone so I just get really depressed thinking this is how my life is gonna be now? Just dealing with really upsetting and sad things in silence and just being alone all the time?
