I am new. I really hope this is okay. I have been searching the forum and not much luck with the following:
1. How long do you need if you are using SN (ite not ate, learned that I have the wrong thing) to be successful?
2. How do you get a family member to stop hovering?
3. Are there legal ways to make sure parents are not allowed at your funeral or to help take care of your kids?
4. People keep mentioning a process for SN. Is that here somewhere? Is there a recommended way to avoid missing the bus?
Last night it got bad. I have been dealing with pain/depression since the beginning of 2020. I was finally diagnosed in June 2020 with two autoimmune disorders. One causes me to have pancreatitis about once every couple years. Extremely painful and I just have to deal with it.
The other is autoimmune of my colon. It is constant extreme pain. After multitudes of drugs and treatments, I had my entire colon removed. We have other surgeries scheduled to start making my insides work again, however, with two surgeries down, and two more to go, I've had a number of "unexpected" complications which has made me wonder if any of it was worth it. Healing, if you could call it that, has been traumatic.
I also have a lot of childhood trauma from abusive parents. I assume a lot. I have only been able to gain a sliver of memories from childhood and they have been enough for me to know I was abused. My first marriage was also a bust to an abuser.
I went no contact with my parents 3 years ago.
My second husband and I have been together since 2008. Married since 2013. Up until last night I thought he was being supportive. Now that I have a lot of my affairs in order (life insurance, living will with DNR attached, etc) he showed he is not actually supportive. We've had discussions about how painful this is, the financial strain this all is (we are in the US so insurance while good isn't great), and how I want to make sure the kids don't find me. Now thanks to this forum I found out I have nitrate and not the right stuff. So that was aggravating. I know the LD and other facts. When I searched nitrate on google it autocorrected and I had no idea.
I need to know how long to have to allow the process to be complete. Speaking of process, is it really as simple as dissolving in water and drinking it?
My parents are trying to get into my kids' lives they are youngish (10 and 6). One of my hang ups for going forward has been them. First to make sure I don't do this at he to ensure they don't find me. Now I worry my parents may try to petition for grandparental rights. In my state that is a thing if one of the parents dies. I know I should probably get a lawyer, but if anyone has experience with knowing how that goes (don't care what state or country) any perspectives would help.
I also want to try and make sure they are not at the funeral but I guess I also won't care.
My biggest issue is control at this point. My husband is now hovering, working from home today. He keeps telling me "I love you" which I have never questioned. This is about my pain and how much I have to keep going through. My doctors are now telling me that pain will always be something I have to deal with, even after all the surgeries and if there are issues with this next one, I will have to deal with major changes to how I look and how I eat anything.
My friends if they get a hint of how I am actually feeling (hard to mask all the time), are jumping on how I shouldn't make a rash decision and I don't understand how much everyone would miss me. I also am aware and I have been working on this for 3 years. Going with SN seemed the best option. I with back then I had gotten the right stuff. Sigh. But also this isn't rash, this isn't anything more than I am tired. Also everyone around me leans on me to be a problem solver and help hear/walk with them through their pain. When I need someone though, they don't walk with me, they talk about how me being gone or just me being sad hurts them. I'm constantly comforting others even when I'm going through it myself.
Last night was the last straw with my husband. I told him that I was expecting this to be soon, probably before all the surgeries are done and especially if this one goes sideways. He called the cops on me. I got detained and I got to hear from cops about how they think I would be a bad mom leaving my kids, how I have people who care for me, and how I need to not do anything rash. I swear to god it was the most cringe and humiliating experience I have had to date. I eventually got out but I have decided I just need to keep this to myself and mask all the time. My husband is now checking in on me every hour. I know he has an alarm because it is always 17 minutes after the hour he comes in. It's suffocating. I honestly wish people would stop treating me like a kid as if I am not thinking this through. I have given so much patience and time to this. It's not being taken lightly.
I guess I am just looking for others to relate to and help with some of these questions. I'll keep searching other posts. Part of me wishes I could believe the pain will go and all these surgeries are worth it. I am out of leave with my job. I was supposed to be done with the surgeries after 2 and I've had about 5 others in my life where they were guessing what needed to be done. I just am tired and done with pain. I am hoping there are others like me.
Oh and I know I could go to some countries to get this done by medical professionals, just money is tight and I'd rather not spend anymore than needed. I'm kinda annoyed that the next surgery will have to take place.
I'm almost done putting together my funeral and I finally finished going through belongings last week. Trying to make sure there is as little as possible my husband has to do afterwards. Now I am thinking another lawyer visit to make sure the will is uptodate would be good. I can ask about the grandparents then I guess. Hard cause I don't want to have a label going into surgery and get stuck in the hospital.
1. How long do you need if you are using SN (ite not ate, learned that I have the wrong thing) to be successful?
2. How do you get a family member to stop hovering?
3. Are there legal ways to make sure parents are not allowed at your funeral or to help take care of your kids?
4. People keep mentioning a process for SN. Is that here somewhere? Is there a recommended way to avoid missing the bus?
Last night it got bad. I have been dealing with pain/depression since the beginning of 2020. I was finally diagnosed in June 2020 with two autoimmune disorders. One causes me to have pancreatitis about once every couple years. Extremely painful and I just have to deal with it.
The other is autoimmune of my colon. It is constant extreme pain. After multitudes of drugs and treatments, I had my entire colon removed. We have other surgeries scheduled to start making my insides work again, however, with two surgeries down, and two more to go, I've had a number of "unexpected" complications which has made me wonder if any of it was worth it. Healing, if you could call it that, has been traumatic.
I also have a lot of childhood trauma from abusive parents. I assume a lot. I have only been able to gain a sliver of memories from childhood and they have been enough for me to know I was abused. My first marriage was also a bust to an abuser.
I went no contact with my parents 3 years ago.
My second husband and I have been together since 2008. Married since 2013. Up until last night I thought he was being supportive. Now that I have a lot of my affairs in order (life insurance, living will with DNR attached, etc) he showed he is not actually supportive. We've had discussions about how painful this is, the financial strain this all is (we are in the US so insurance while good isn't great), and how I want to make sure the kids don't find me. Now thanks to this forum I found out I have nitrate and not the right stuff. So that was aggravating. I know the LD and other facts. When I searched nitrate on google it autocorrected and I had no idea.
I need to know how long to have to allow the process to be complete. Speaking of process, is it really as simple as dissolving in water and drinking it?
My parents are trying to get into my kids' lives they are youngish (10 and 6). One of my hang ups for going forward has been them. First to make sure I don't do this at he to ensure they don't find me. Now I worry my parents may try to petition for grandparental rights. In my state that is a thing if one of the parents dies. I know I should probably get a lawyer, but if anyone has experience with knowing how that goes (don't care what state or country) any perspectives would help.
I also want to try and make sure they are not at the funeral but I guess I also won't care.
My biggest issue is control at this point. My husband is now hovering, working from home today. He keeps telling me "I love you" which I have never questioned. This is about my pain and how much I have to keep going through. My doctors are now telling me that pain will always be something I have to deal with, even after all the surgeries and if there are issues with this next one, I will have to deal with major changes to how I look and how I eat anything.
My friends if they get a hint of how I am actually feeling (hard to mask all the time), are jumping on how I shouldn't make a rash decision and I don't understand how much everyone would miss me. I also am aware and I have been working on this for 3 years. Going with SN seemed the best option. I with back then I had gotten the right stuff. Sigh. But also this isn't rash, this isn't anything more than I am tired. Also everyone around me leans on me to be a problem solver and help hear/walk with them through their pain. When I need someone though, they don't walk with me, they talk about how me being gone or just me being sad hurts them. I'm constantly comforting others even when I'm going through it myself.
Last night was the last straw with my husband. I told him that I was expecting this to be soon, probably before all the surgeries are done and especially if this one goes sideways. He called the cops on me. I got detained and I got to hear from cops about how they think I would be a bad mom leaving my kids, how I have people who care for me, and how I need to not do anything rash. I swear to god it was the most cringe and humiliating experience I have had to date. I eventually got out but I have decided I just need to keep this to myself and mask all the time. My husband is now checking in on me every hour. I know he has an alarm because it is always 17 minutes after the hour he comes in. It's suffocating. I honestly wish people would stop treating me like a kid as if I am not thinking this through. I have given so much patience and time to this. It's not being taken lightly.
I guess I am just looking for others to relate to and help with some of these questions. I'll keep searching other posts. Part of me wishes I could believe the pain will go and all these surgeries are worth it. I am out of leave with my job. I was supposed to be done with the surgeries after 2 and I've had about 5 others in my life where they were guessing what needed to be done. I just am tired and done with pain. I am hoping there are others like me.
Oh and I know I could go to some countries to get this done by medical professionals, just money is tight and I'd rather not spend anymore than needed. I'm kinda annoyed that the next surgery will have to take place.
I'm almost done putting together my funeral and I finally finished going through belongings last week. Trying to make sure there is as little as possible my husband has to do afterwards. Now I am thinking another lawyer visit to make sure the will is uptodate would be good. I can ask about the grandparents then I guess. Hard cause I don't want to have a label going into surgery and get stuck in the hospital.
