
sillyprincessmeow
Member
- Jul 21, 2022
- 71
like reading what i have to say… looking at what i post on here thinking no ones watching.. its fucking insane.
My head hurts really bad rn guys. Im so hungry.. i have a really bad eating disorder so lately ive only been eating barely 500 calories a day.. and im working out at the same time
What is this madness?
Its not like i wanna be thin or anything guys, im already like 96 lbs rn woah so lucky right!! my body is about to start shutting down!! Yay!! Im so happy <: like fella no.
Ive been tryna gain weight for YEARS. My highest was 111 lbs i believe. or 112. When i first started dating my ex.
Wow these visual hallucinations are lowk crazy.. like guys its real.. lmfao anyway
Uhh yeah he made me happy now hes gone and hes a whore.. i shouldve known.. LMFAOOO
Anyway
Yeah im fucking insane and delusional.. i will not fix my eating disorder tho.. i will not fix my mental health.. i dont care because ive been crying out to help to those around me for years and no one takes me seriously anymore :3 maybe im legit unfixable.
Guys .. im burnt out. I dont wanna try. Like i literally feel everything at once. Do you know how heavy and painful that is?
I believe in (damn near bc there are some things that are fucking insane to me) every religion, ideology, complex, sense of reality… i want and need everything while also forcing myself to believe i need and deserve nothing.
I hate everything and love everything. I see the light and darkness. I feel like im imploding and exploding at the same time.
I have so much cognitive dissonance. It genuinely hurts.
I want to be a lawyer, a psychiatrist, a singer, a model, a writer, i wanna change the world with my kindness.
but i want to rot away, i want to hide, i just wanna get high by the beach (lana del rey reference because i deadass wish i was on a remote island, ive enough voices to keep my company. ), and all of these negative emotions overpower any sense of good i have for the world.
The earth is dying, billionaires own everything, babies are starving and dying, animals are losing their homes, you must be beautiful and educated, nevermind the heat you feel on your feet in fall… or the snow that never arrives in the winter.. ugh
im covered in dirt. whether its real or not. i scrub and scrub for hours. i need out.
I dont think anything is real. This all seems so fake. I think the only real thing here… is nothing. maybe God.
Oh Lord, if only, God help me and my tainted soul. For either give me peace or sweet relief, do not make me suffer and fight to prove my spot in Heaven. Ive saved lives longer than ive been alive. Felt alive.
thank you guys for the only safe space i have now. i feel so damn alone.
My head hurts really bad rn guys. Im so hungry.. i have a really bad eating disorder so lately ive only been eating barely 500 calories a day.. and im working out at the same time
What is this madness?
Its not like i wanna be thin or anything guys, im already like 96 lbs rn woah so lucky right!! my body is about to start shutting down!! Yay!! Im so happy <: like fella no.
Ive been tryna gain weight for YEARS. My highest was 111 lbs i believe. or 112. When i first started dating my ex.
Wow these visual hallucinations are lowk crazy.. like guys its real.. lmfao anyway
Uhh yeah he made me happy now hes gone and hes a whore.. i shouldve known.. LMFAOOO
Anyway
Yeah im fucking insane and delusional.. i will not fix my eating disorder tho.. i will not fix my mental health.. i dont care because ive been crying out to help to those around me for years and no one takes me seriously anymore :3 maybe im legit unfixable.
Guys .. im burnt out. I dont wanna try. Like i literally feel everything at once. Do you know how heavy and painful that is?
I believe in (damn near bc there are some things that are fucking insane to me) every religion, ideology, complex, sense of reality… i want and need everything while also forcing myself to believe i need and deserve nothing.
I hate everything and love everything. I see the light and darkness. I feel like im imploding and exploding at the same time.
I have so much cognitive dissonance. It genuinely hurts.
I want to be a lawyer, a psychiatrist, a singer, a model, a writer, i wanna change the world with my kindness.
but i want to rot away, i want to hide, i just wanna get high by the beach (lana del rey reference because i deadass wish i was on a remote island, ive enough voices to keep my company. ), and all of these negative emotions overpower any sense of good i have for the world.
The earth is dying, billionaires own everything, babies are starving and dying, animals are losing their homes, you must be beautiful and educated, nevermind the heat you feel on your feet in fall… or the snow that never arrives in the winter.. ugh
im covered in dirt. whether its real or not. i scrub and scrub for hours. i need out.
I dont think anything is real. This all seems so fake. I think the only real thing here… is nothing. maybe God.
Oh Lord, if only, God help me and my tainted soul. For either give me peace or sweet relief, do not make me suffer and fight to prove my spot in Heaven. Ive saved lives longer than ive been alive. Felt alive.
thank you guys for the only safe space i have now. i feel so damn alone.