Venting so i js realized im really abnormal.. is anyone like me?

[sillyprincessmeow]

like reading what i have to say… looking at what i post on here thinking no ones watching.. its fucking insane.
My head hurts really bad rn guys. Im so hungry.. i have a really bad eating disorder so lately ive only been eating barely 500 calories a day.. and im working out at the same time
What is this madness?
Its not like i wanna be thin or anything guys, im already like 96 lbs rn woah so lucky right!! my body is about to start shutting down!! Yay!! Im so happy <: like fella no.

Ive been tryna gain weight for YEARS. My highest was 111 lbs i believe. or 112. When i first started dating my ex.

Wow these visual hallucinations are lowk crazy.. like guys its real.. lmfao anyway
Uhh yeah he made me happy now hes gone and hes a whore.. i shouldve known.. LMFAOOO

Anyway
Yeah im fucking insane and delusional.. i will not fix my eating disorder tho.. i will not fix my mental health.. i dont care because ive been crying out to help to those around me for years and no one takes me seriously anymore :3 maybe im legit unfixable.

Guys .. im burnt out. I dont wanna try. Like i literally feel everything at once. Do you know how heavy and painful that is?
I believe in (damn near bc there are some things that are fucking insane to me) every religion, ideology, complex, sense of reality… i want and need everything while also forcing myself to believe i need and deserve nothing.

I hate everything and love everything. I see the light and darkness. I feel like im imploding and exploding at the same time.

I have so much cognitive dissonance. It genuinely hurts.

I want to be a lawyer, a psychiatrist, a singer, a model, a writer, i wanna change the world with my kindness.

but i want to rot away, i want to hide, i just wanna get high by the beach (lana del rey reference because i deadass wish i was on a remote island, ive enough voices to keep my company. ), and all of these negative emotions overpower any sense of good i have for the world.

The earth is dying, billionaires own everything, babies are starving and dying, animals are losing their homes, you must be beautiful and educated, nevermind the heat you feel on your feet in fall… or the snow that never arrives in the winter.. ugh

im covered in dirt. whether its real or not. i scrub and scrub for hours. i need out.

I dont think anything is real. This all seems so fake. I think the only real thing here… is nothing. maybe God.

Oh Lord, if only, God help me and my tainted soul. For either give me peace or sweet relief, do not make me suffer and fight to prove my spot in Heaven. Ive saved lives longer than ive been alive. Felt alive.

thank you guys for the only safe space i have now. i feel so damn alone.

 

[k1m]

This all seems familiar. I think it's common to feel all this. Have you explained all this to a psychiatrist? They aren't all great but this is something they deal with regularly.

 

[sillyprincessmeow]

This all seems familiar. I think it's common to feel all this. Have you explained all this to a psychiatrist? They aren't all great but this is something they deal with regularly

No i havent, i dont really want to either. Maybe not now. Maybe not ever to be honest. Doesnt seem worth time considering everything is meaningless.

 

[theboy]

Poetic

I feel you
There are times when the "world is false"
In psychology it is called "depersonalization"

 

[hippiedeath]

To answer your question; no, no one is like you. We're all different. Just accept people for who they are, and hopefully, they'll accept you for who you are. They say the most popular people are the ones who accept the most people as they are. People want love. Love, and you'll get love. I hope this helps.

 

[sillyprincessmeow]

Poetic

I feel you
There are times when the "world is false"
In psychology it is called "depersonalization"

yeah i dont know maybe the weeds making me crazy @.@
or maybe this is just what ive ended up as
Thank you for your input <:
thank

To answer your question; no, no one is like you. We're all different. Just accept people for who they are, and hopefully, they'll accept you for who you are. They say the most popular people are the ones who accept the most people as they are. People want love. Love, and you'll get love. I hope this helps.

You, i love your curious words. Reminds me of my cousin, your typing style. Anyway, i always am so sweet and yes people are generally nice to me but i dont know i still feel annoyed it feels surface level. But thank you a lot, i will keep loving.

In a world full of evil i choose to love! <3

 

[hippiedeath]

yeah i dont know maybe the weeds making me crazy @.@
or maybe this is just what ive ended up as
Thank you for your input <:
thank

You, i love your curious words. Reminds me of my cousin, your typing style. Anyway, i always am so sweet and yes people are generally nice to me but i dont know i still feel annoyed it feels surface level. But thank you a lot, i will keep loving.

In a world full of evil i choose to love! <3

Thanks, your cousin must be a cool guy lol.

An older man who was Buddhist once told me: "There are two things in life. One is the law of reciprocity. There is an equal response in nature to any thought, action, or force." I forget the other thing, but what was lacking I felt, was nothing about love and forgiveness. It was all about scientific fact. I do believe he was right though, about getting what you give. Hang in there and I hope things go OK for you.