Namelesa
Global Mod · Trapped in this Suffering
- Sep 21, 2024
- 2,243
So umm I think at least this point I can really do say I have BPD cus of that my parents are in mental health help group meetings where everyone there is dealing with someone with BPD. They have been applied for it as part of me being in the DBT group. I felt validated from this due to the symptoms I have suffered but now kinda just feel hopeless from all of this in that I really do have this really hard to deal with disorder that isn't really treatable but only manageable. Kinda also feels like this really shows that I am a terrible person cus of how most people with it are seen and that I myself have done terrible things cus of the symptoms I experience of it.
Also it just feels like what I have experienced in life shouldn't have made me this way at all. Like I didn't suffer any abuse from parents or lost anyone. I just struggled emotionally with school and was lonely in my early life and that I had many friends leave me even tho I didn't really know many of them for long time anyways and that my first relationship end in like 2 and a half months and after that i just felt so empty about everything else. I am factually so pathetic compared to most people.
God I feel so empty. I don't want to suffer with this for rest of my life that I forced to live through cus I can't kill myself. Why can't I go back to being me without experiencing relationships and friendships? Just remove those from my memory please. I don't want to live like this please. I could of lived fine as a loner but now feel so empty cus of others leaving me. I am so awful to have messed up with so many people, especially my second relationship. God I miss that one so much even tho it was unhealthy and I couldn't express anything in it. Someone look after me please.... I feel so hollow now even after going through so little amount of suffering.
I deserve whatever bad has happened to me. I want to die.
Also it just feels like what I have experienced in life shouldn't have made me this way at all. Like I didn't suffer any abuse from parents or lost anyone. I just struggled emotionally with school and was lonely in my early life and that I had many friends leave me even tho I didn't really know many of them for long time anyways and that my first relationship end in like 2 and a half months and after that i just felt so empty about everything else. I am factually so pathetic compared to most people.
God I feel so empty. I don't want to suffer with this for rest of my life that I forced to live through cus I can't kill myself. Why can't I go back to being me without experiencing relationships and friendships? Just remove those from my memory please. I don't want to live like this please. I could of lived fine as a loner but now feel so empty cus of others leaving me. I am so awful to have messed up with so many people, especially my second relationship. God I miss that one so much even tho it was unhealthy and I couldn't express anything in it. Someone look after me please.... I feel so hollow now even after going through so little amount of suffering.
I deserve whatever bad has happened to me. I want to die.
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