Method So I bought another tank.

[Jodes]

Insanity

 

[TiredHorse]

Hello @Jodes, please don't think we're trolling you. We really aren't; we're trying to express sympathy. What you're going through --the conflicted needs-- is horrible and stressful and it doesn't make it any easier to figure out what you need to do. I'm really sorry. You're in an awful spot, and I think we're all of us feeling it keenly.

At the least I still have the other tank for another time

I hope I'm not out of line saying this, but I hope you know that having the tank doesn't mean you have to use it. It won't go bad. If it doesn't feel like the right time to ctb, set it aside --bury it under clothes in the back of your closet-- and let it sit there. Honestly, just having your method close at hand may make life a little more bearable. Maybe it'll let you get some rest.

Sorry to hear about the messed up sleep schedule, too. I've been there. It's awful.

 

[Jodes]

Thank you @TiredHorse , so sorry @JustAboutDone , I'm obviously not back in reality yet

I hate my life

 

[Jodes]

And really sorry @ReadyasEver too!

 

[ReadyasEver]

It's OK Jodes. This shit is not easy. No reason to apologize. The good thing is that most of us here understand.

 

[Jodes]

It will hurt her just seeing the tank let alone knowing I ordered it after recent events. And after she told me how she walked in to find an ex. I won't do it where she could walk into me. That much at least my emotional intelligence computes.

I absolutely hate myself. I just have compulsions to die and can't find in me to prevent myself doing it.

Short of doing it half zipped up in a mortuary I don't know where to do it without traumatising someone. I'm not criticising anyone!! I see things in black and white. I really am a computer