Catch-22
But in the end it doesn't even matter...😢
- Aug 19, 2019
- 268
By this time my last brain cells have been stripped at me the only time even remotely think clearly is at night but my nights have been stripped away. I'm extremely ill during the day I can't take sunlight any I got so many health problems now. I can barely function to write this I have to leave in the next few days and so trying to put my plan together to leave at night might have to be switched to during the day. I can't think during the day I barely know what my name is. But from things that happened to me out of my control of my sleeping has been flipped to be awake during the day for the first time I don't know in decades so it's not going well. I only have a few days left when I have a chance to leave I will be put away. No chance of getting out in assisted living deteriorating with somebody changing a diaper.
I have the SN. I guess I can't have a set time because I don't know if I'm going to be awake during the day or night and the next few days so I know not to eat 8 hours beforehand not to drink 2 hours before then measure out 24 g into a cup I'm going to make two of them and then I'm going to have two cups filled with 50 mm water then it will take the water and pour it into the cups. This way I know I have the exact measurements in each cup right. I have a scale to measure the SN .I don't know if I'll need two cups or not I guess depending on how much I vomit. I know I don't have this written out like everybody else but right now I'm just too sick. And times run out for me to try to format it so it's easier to read. So once again okay don't eat 8 hours before don't drink 2 hours before about an hour before I'm going to take some klonopin and then I'm going to take some gabapentin for pain. 40 minutes before I will take 10 mg * 3 30 mg Metro I will then mix in 24 g with 50 milliliter water mix until dissolved. Two glasses. The only thing I'm having a problem with which I had before is how much klonopin to take because the only benzo I have I think it's fast for acting I don't want to knock myself out too soon. So I have 30 mg Klonopin measured out in tiny pieces to add water to it's just when do I take it. If I take it right after I drink the first class and knock myself out and then I vomit then I will not succeed. So I guess I think if I hold it down for 10 minutes without vomiting too much then I go ahead and take the Klonopin if I vomit a lot then not take the Klonopin right away and wait and have a second glass. I also have probably 100 mg of Klonopin just sitting here but I'm afraid if I take that and somehow the SN it's not legit although I got it from sources a long time ago and I don't think anyone's failed with it however for some reason if I threw up too much or it's not legit and I fail then I will have too much klonopin in my system and it probably cause a lot of damage. So my question is after I hold down the SN for 10 minutes should I just go ahead and take all the Klonopin I have with like I said probably 100 pills 100 mg I mean yeah that will absolutely knock me out but I know that won't kill me but should I take it or not? I know you can't give me exact answers but you can give me your opinion. I can't feel I don't have a second chance I'm old and my abusive narcissistic mom when she comes home if I have failed we'll put me away because she wants to put me away anyway she's looking for any excuse. So any advice would be appreciated but just make it super simple cuz like I said I'm on a lot of different medications and my pain is so severe and I can barely see'so please be kind and I don't want anybody complaining about my grammar or punctuation please. I know I shouldn't have to ask however last time I posted something someone did.
No food for 8 hours prior not sure if I should take any Metro with my last meal?
N0 Liquid 2 hours prior
1 hour prior take some klonopin and gabapentin for pain
40 minutes prior take 10 mg Metro * 3
40 minutes before Mix up 24 g SN with 50 ml water in two glasses
40 minutes before I have two tiny bottles full of Klonopin one is 10 mg one is 20 I'm going to put water in it and shake them I think it will dissolve them so they'll be ready
I guess I'll drink down SN fast as possible hopefully I don't vomit if I don't vomit after 10 minutes I guess I'll go ahead and take my too small photos photos of dissolved Klonopin twhich is 30 mg I forgot the conversion from what the PPH was with Klonopin I mean what they suggest you take would knock someone out so quick if they vomited they wouldn't have a chance to drink a second glass
Sit back and pray
So my only question would be should I even try to drink a second glass if I vomit too much of the first because I've read it says if you vomit too much abort mission well I can't no second chances and once I opened up the SN it'll be exposed to air plus that will be my last chance anyhow I will be thrown away if I fail so there's no option to fail'
And since I have a lot more Klonopin 100 mg should I even take that if I don't vomit after 10 minutes like I mentioned I know that's not enough to kill me but hopefully that would make sure I will absolutely not wake up during any side effects from the SN.
I did the best to put this together under extreme duress exhaustion sleep deprivation pain time restriction. If I don't even think I can pull it together within 48 hours I will have to just abort mission and from maybe a slight chance in October I might be left alone for a few hours but that's not even a sure thing. I will never be left alone I'll be put away and assisted living because of an evil narcissistic mom. I know my stomach is so bad right now I can barely eat I'm so afraid I'm going to vomit even with the Metro. I will come back periodically to check to see if there's answers I'm going to just try to sleep the best I can the next couple days. I was going to count on sleep today but the county is coming in my backyard to chop down a bunch of trees and will be on my roof for like 8 hours I got to know this at the last minute went through off everything but yeah that's my luck! Please no comments no negative comments on my grammar I punctuation my messy planning. Honestly the best I can do. If you cannot help me in any positive manner please just don't comment.
Sit back and pray
So my only question would be should I even try to drink a second glass if I vomit too much of the first because I've read it says if you vomit too much abort mission well I can't no second chances and once I opened up the SN it'll be exposed to air plus that will be my last chance anyhow I will be thrown away if I fail so there's no option to fail'
Think some of it got cut off but I honestly can't read anymore to even see if what I wrote is correct. Thank you if you can help! I'll be checking back periodically in the next 48 hours. Meanwhile try to sleep every second I can. If I don't get more sleep I know I won't be able to measure correctly or even follow simple directions. Yes it's gotten that bad. I have such severe tremors and I'm shaking bad when anxiety kicks in and SI I'm afraid I'm going to fail from shaking too much I'm also afraid that salt will spill. I just need calm and quiet to be able to carry this out so anybody that can wish me any positive energy or whatever you believe in that I can have some clarity in my mind and peace so I can do this I would appreciate it. It's something that I thought out for a long long time . There's no coming back from where I'm at.
I have the SN. I guess I can't have a set time because I don't know if I'm going to be awake during the day or night and the next few days so I know not to eat 8 hours beforehand not to drink 2 hours before then measure out 24 g into a cup I'm going to make two of them and then I'm going to have two cups filled with 50 mm water then it will take the water and pour it into the cups. This way I know I have the exact measurements in each cup right. I have a scale to measure the SN .I don't know if I'll need two cups or not I guess depending on how much I vomit. I know I don't have this written out like everybody else but right now I'm just too sick. And times run out for me to try to format it so it's easier to read. So once again okay don't eat 8 hours before don't drink 2 hours before about an hour before I'm going to take some klonopin and then I'm going to take some gabapentin for pain. 40 minutes before I will take 10 mg * 3 30 mg Metro I will then mix in 24 g with 50 milliliter water mix until dissolved. Two glasses. The only thing I'm having a problem with which I had before is how much klonopin to take because the only benzo I have I think it's fast for acting I don't want to knock myself out too soon. So I have 30 mg Klonopin measured out in tiny pieces to add water to it's just when do I take it. If I take it right after I drink the first class and knock myself out and then I vomit then I will not succeed. So I guess I think if I hold it down for 10 minutes without vomiting too much then I go ahead and take the Klonopin if I vomit a lot then not take the Klonopin right away and wait and have a second glass. I also have probably 100 mg of Klonopin just sitting here but I'm afraid if I take that and somehow the SN it's not legit although I got it from sources a long time ago and I don't think anyone's failed with it however for some reason if I threw up too much or it's not legit and I fail then I will have too much klonopin in my system and it probably cause a lot of damage. So my question is after I hold down the SN for 10 minutes should I just go ahead and take all the Klonopin I have with like I said probably 100 pills 100 mg I mean yeah that will absolutely knock me out but I know that won't kill me but should I take it or not? I know you can't give me exact answers but you can give me your opinion. I can't feel I don't have a second chance I'm old and my abusive narcissistic mom when she comes home if I have failed we'll put me away because she wants to put me away anyway she's looking for any excuse. So any advice would be appreciated but just make it super simple cuz like I said I'm on a lot of different medications and my pain is so severe and I can barely see'so please be kind and I don't want anybody complaining about my grammar or punctuation please. I know I shouldn't have to ask however last time I posted something someone did.
No food for 8 hours prior not sure if I should take any Metro with my last meal?
N0 Liquid 2 hours prior
1 hour prior take some klonopin and gabapentin for pain
40 minutes prior take 10 mg Metro * 3
40 minutes before Mix up 24 g SN with 50 ml water in two glasses
40 minutes before I have two tiny bottles full of Klonopin one is 10 mg one is 20 I'm going to put water in it and shake them I think it will dissolve them so they'll be ready
I guess I'll drink down SN fast as possible hopefully I don't vomit if I don't vomit after 10 minutes I guess I'll go ahead and take my too small photos photos of dissolved Klonopin twhich is 30 mg I forgot the conversion from what the PPH was with Klonopin I mean what they suggest you take would knock someone out so quick if they vomited they wouldn't have a chance to drink a second glass
Sit back and pray
So my only question would be should I even try to drink a second glass if I vomit too much of the first because I've read it says if you vomit too much abort mission well I can't no second chances and once I opened up the SN it'll be exposed to air plus that will be my last chance anyhow I will be thrown away if I fail so there's no option to fail'
And since I have a lot more Klonopin 100 mg should I even take that if I don't vomit after 10 minutes like I mentioned I know that's not enough to kill me but hopefully that would make sure I will absolutely not wake up during any side effects from the SN.
I did the best to put this together under extreme duress exhaustion sleep deprivation pain time restriction. If I don't even think I can pull it together within 48 hours I will have to just abort mission and from maybe a slight chance in October I might be left alone for a few hours but that's not even a sure thing. I will never be left alone I'll be put away and assisted living because of an evil narcissistic mom. I know my stomach is so bad right now I can barely eat I'm so afraid I'm going to vomit even with the Metro. I will come back periodically to check to see if there's answers I'm going to just try to sleep the best I can the next couple days. I was going to count on sleep today but the county is coming in my backyard to chop down a bunch of trees and will be on my roof for like 8 hours I got to know this at the last minute went through off everything but yeah that's my luck! Please no comments no negative comments on my grammar I punctuation my messy planning. Honestly the best I can do. If you cannot help me in any positive manner please just don't comment.
Sit back and pray
So my only question would be should I even try to drink a second glass if I vomit too much of the first because I've read it says if you vomit too much abort mission well I can't no second chances and once I opened up the SN it'll be exposed to air plus that will be my last chance anyhow I will be thrown away if I fail so there's no option to fail'
Think some of it got cut off but I honestly can't read anymore to even see if what I wrote is correct. Thank you if you can help! I'll be checking back periodically in the next 48 hours. Meanwhile try to sleep every second I can. If I don't get more sleep I know I won't be able to measure correctly or even follow simple directions. Yes it's gotten that bad. I have such severe tremors and I'm shaking bad when anxiety kicks in and SI I'm afraid I'm going to fail from shaking too much I'm also afraid that salt will spill. I just need calm and quiet to be able to carry this out so anybody that can wish me any positive energy or whatever you believe in that I can have some clarity in my mind and peace so I can do this I would appreciate it. It's something that I thought out for a long long time . There's no coming back from where I'm at.
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