SN CTB Tonight?????

[3FailedAttemptss]

Aghhh I dont know whats happening, I'm 6h 22m into the fast and Ive already taken 20mg Olanzapine and 60mg Oxazepam in preparation, I dont know if that's sufficient but oh well. I am very flustered and dont know whats happening, this is the furthest I've gotten with my SN protocol. i dont know how to feel? i dont care about dying, but do feel guilty about leaving my boyfriend behind. Honestly the loudest thought in my head right now is whether or not I should remove my makeup. I dont know what gonna happen in the next two hours, do I actually ingest my SN and die??

ahhhh I dont know whats happening and I feel the benzos clouding my conscious. Its so weird, I was doing my DBT homework for tomorrow with a motherfucking SN fast timer going. I am so weak, I just go with the flow, and the flow is leading me towards SN… Guys I really dont know whats happening. Oh god.

 

[YISDISBAD]

Aghhh I dont know whats happening, I'm 6h 22m into the fast and Ive already taken 20mg Olanzapine and 60mg Oxazepam in preparation, I dont know if that's sufficient but oh well. I am very flustered and dont know whats happening, this is the furthest I've gotten with my SN protocol. i dont know how to feel? i dont care about dying, but do feel guilty about leaving my boyfriend behind. Honestly the loudest thought in my head right now is whether or not I should remove my makeup. I dont know what gonna happen in the next two hours, do I actually ingest my SN and die??

ahhhh I dont know whats happening and I feel the benzos clouding my conscious. It's so weird, I was doing my DBT homework for tomorrow with a motherfucking SN fast timer going. I am so weak, I just go with the flow, and the flow is leading me towards SN… Guys I really dont know whats happening. Oh god.

hey. And now?

 

[Death Diviner]

Hello. You still there?

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

hey. And now?

walking my dog for what might be the last time. it feels so weird. I don't know what to do. I don't feel any positive emotions and I don't feel any negative emotions. I just feel nothing but I feel this excitement.

 

[ZwartHartje]

It's very difficult to give advice in this situation, we all have our reasons. Are you sure it's what you want right at this time? Just saying because you don't seem to be sure...

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

It's very difficult to give advice in this situation, we all have our reasons. Are you sure it's what you want right at this time? Just saying because you don't seem to be sure...

I have so many suicide attempts under my belt. It just feels like tonight. I have an opportunity and I'm less than two hours away from ingesting SN. but I don't know if I feel ready. I just feel like it's going to happen no matter what I want and that scares me. I'm scared OK I'm really fucking scared, but I guess I'm too sedated to feel scared which is even more scarier, but throughout all of this, I'm just thinking of my boyfriend and I don't know I feel fucked up. I am fucked up, but I fought so hard to kill myself over the last couple of years and this is finally a golden ticket and even though I'm ambivalent, I don't know if I should just take the ticket and check out. but the scariest part is probably my ambivalence. I don't really care what happens I guess.

I just wish I could tell my boyfriend, but I'm scared of intervention
i'm at the seven hour mark of my fast so I don't know if I'm gonna die within the next hour or which is a weird thought to think

 

[Chabrychek]

I guess you never feel 100% ready for death. There will always be doubts. In less than three months, I'll be in your shoes. The thought of it getting closer both worries and calms me.

I'm here if you need to talk. How are you feeling right now?

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

Okay, it's gotten really hard to type. The benzos are really kicking in. I feel so tired. My body is heavy and I have fifty minutes left until the eight hour mark where I potentially ingest my SN. But I don't know what to do.

It's just all this happened so suddenly And I don't know how to feel about it. I don't know what to do. I don't know what the right choice is. On one hand it's something I've worked towards for so long. On the other hand, I have my boyfriend.

I'm scared of involving my boyfriend into all of this mainly because I'm scared of intervention.

 

[UserFromNowhere]

Okay, it's gotten really hard to type. The benzos are really kicking in. I feel so tired. My body is heavy and I have fifty minutes left until the eight hour mark where I potentially ingest my SN. But I don't know what to do.

It's just all this happened so suddenly And I don't know how to feel about it. I don't know what to do. I don't know what the right choice is. On one hand it's something I've worked towards for so long. On the other hand, I have my boyfriend.

I'm scared of involving my boyfriend into all of this mainly because I'm scared of intervention.

Honest advice: If you're ambivalent about it, if you have concerns, don't do it. Suicide should be a committed decision, not something undertaken because you don't know. Some might say that even if we're confident in our decision, we're bound to come to indecision by the end, that might be true but we should still take careful consideration to the prospect we're not ready to leave yet. The door is always there, you don't need to do it right now, you can do it whenever. At this point, the benzos are probably going to force you into sleep, so I'd just take the sleep and wake up in a couple of hours with a fresh head and perspective if I were you.

 

[YISDISBAD]

P

Okay, it's gotten really hard to type. The benzos are really kicking in. I feel so tired. My body is heavy and I have fifty minutes left until the eight hour mark where I potentially ingest my SN. But I don't know what to do.

It's just all this happened so suddenly And I don't know how to feel about it. I don't know what to do. I don't know what the right choice is. On one hand it's something I've worked towards for so long. On the other hand, I have my boyfriend.

I'm scared of involving my boyfriend into all of this mainly because I'm scared of intervention.

are you ok rn??

 

[Myforevercharlie]

If you're not sure, call for help!

 

[zoger]

Okay, it's gotten really hard to type. The benzos are really kicking in. I feel so tired. My body is heavy and I have fifty minutes left until the eight hour mark where I potentially ingest my SN. But I don't know what to do.

It's just all this happened so suddenly And I don't know how to feel about it. I don't know what to do. I don't know what the right choice is. On one hand it's something I've worked towards for so long. On the other hand, I have my boyfriend.

I'm scared of involving my boyfriend into all of this mainly because I'm scared of intervention.

You still here?

 

[MyMomWasMyLife]

I don't know what to do. I don't know what the right choice is. On one hand it's something I've worked towards for so long. On the other hand, I have my boyfriend.

Please just abandon this idea and just go to bed. Please.

 

[LastDayOnEarth]

If you're not sure, maybe take it easy for now and don't do it, there will always be more time to think about it

 

[inpainnosleep]

walking my dog for what might be the last time. it feels so weird. I don't know what to do. I don't feel any positive emotions and I don't feel any negative emotions. I just feel nothing but I feel this excitement.

Why do you want to CBT? If you are not sure and still have your physical health things might be salvageable. The thing with SN is that much of the time it's not really reversible.

 

[geepeedee]

i hope you find peace, whatever you decide.

 

[cciro]

Whatever happens...good luck.

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

I just woke up! the benzos have given me complete amnesia about last night?? I don't remember what happened. I'm sorry everyone that I'm alive… TwT

I think I took too high a dose too early which knocked me out, I guess that's something to take into account next time.

But thank you everyone for the guidance and well wishes ^^

 

[HollowSoul]

Glad you okay

I dont think its good to ctb with so many doubts about it....

 

[babyneo1]

Glad you okay

I dont think its good to ctb with so many doubts about it....

SN CTB? Why

 

[ginadu]

I had an intervention on Tuesday and I am glad. Don't just do it on a whim. It doesn't sound like it is what you really want. If you are taking antidepressants they can make people feel ambivalent. Please don't do anything rash.

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

I feel so embarrassed for surviving, I wish I knew what happened yesterday.

 

[Macedonian1987]

I feel so embarrassed for surviving, I wish I knew what happened yesterday.

Never feel embarressed for this. It simply wasn't your time yet.

 

[ZwartHartje]

I feel so embarrassed for surviving, I wish I knew what happened yesterday.

I'm glad you're still here, I'm fairly new here and I don't even know you but it didn't feel right somehow.

 

[PenPen<3]

don't apologize for being alive it's okay, I hope you're feeling alright ^^

I just woke up! the benzos have given me complete amnesia about last night?? I don't remember what happened. I'm sorry everyone that I'm alive… TwT

I think I took too high a dose too early which knocked me out, I guess that's something to take into account next time.

But thank you everyone for the guidance and well wishes ^^

 

[geepeedee]

I feel so embarrassed for surviving, I wish I knew what happened yesterday.

glad ur ok op