Hey cazza <3 Thanks for sharing! Wow. I'd say u've done a pretty good job staying clean for 19 years as an ex-addict. I try not to judge u but that is definitely something and is well above average. It also seems that u have shown great compliance with whatever drug control u have gone through. (from ur tone u seem to approach to the drug counselor actively when they suspect u're gonna relapse, indicating u're probably self-driven and willing to comply to drug control. feel free to correct me if that isn't the case! ) These are no reason a proper drug counselor could've "totally given up" on u.
I'm not denying your feeling of being neglected tho. Yet there could be reasons. From what u said... (again my inference is not necessarily accurate!! few free to shake my magic-8-ball otherwise) U might have expected more care and emotional touch from your drug counselor, other than being given detoxification med and rehab training protocols. If that's the case it's more of a job of a mental counselor than a drug counselor sadly, it could be that ur drug counselor lacks the ability to make a proper response to, instead of neglecting your requests while thinking u're hopeless. Your drug counselor may not have the best emotional availability, as her personal issue but it boils down to how the drug counseling service is neglecting personal touch... so then again it's not your problem. U did great not failing yourself but the system somehow failed u. Blame the system!
And hey there are also reasons to think u still need your mental counselor and are def.ly not wasting your counselor's time. From my point of view it's a lot of work in the previous 20 sessions... from developing trust to receiving support, and loads of hard work. ( As an improper comparison, assuming 90-minute sessions, most university courses are no more than 20 sessions, and course lectures aren't usually as intensive as one-to-one counseling) So it would be a true waste of time if u somehow abandon all that work. Also, u cannot deny that u're in a time of great emotional need. U trust your counselor a lot, stating that u couldn't have made this far without her help, incidating a stability and certain degree of effectiveness in this counseling, as a reason of hard work paying off. If i were u i currently don't see any reason to leave the mental counseling, if financial situations aren't too dire. Unless there's still hidden factors I didn't notice and pls fill me on that if any <3
It could be that u've encountered certain obstacle in technical settings or over detailed problems in your counsellation. If that's the case, it's your counsellation that has picked up a problem for u. Again indicating it's useful and not useless. And no reason to blame yourself for that either. Given how much u trust your counselor, it's a viable option to directly consult your counselor about ur current feelings towards the counseling. It's like, counseling about counseling, or "meta-counseling" lol. Interesting isn't it, do try it if u haven't! U definitely deserve some help like this
