should i tell my online friends?

[internetyamero]

i'm planning on ctbing soon. im not sure when, but im hoping before the end of july.

but that's not the point of this post. the main question i want to ask is: should i notify my online friends about this? if i do so, i plan on doing it through a scheduled email that'll send out ~2 or so weeks after ive ctbed.

at the same time, im worried about the hurt this might bring them. would it be better to spare them the grief and leave them to simply wonder why one day i suddenly stopped speaking to them and never went online again?

i really dont know what to do. to be honest, they're probably 99% of the reason why ive not already ctbed long ago. i feel bad about leaving them behind, and ive honestly had a lot of "good" things happen to me lately that i should be happy about or looking forward to, but i just cant feel anything more than neutral about them. my brain really has been fried by this disorder lol.

 

[Doll Steak]

It would definitely give them closure which is nice but likely at the cost of some emotional health.

If you just left with no closure they would be left wondering what happened for a little while probably, eventually just giving up trying to find out or maybe even just forgetting all together. Even still this may also cause grief because either way your disappearing, one scenario simply just lets them know why.

I don't know you're friends though, think also, what is your relationship with them? How do you imagine they would react if you did tell them? How do you think they would react if you basically just disappeared with no trace?

I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope It can all get better. Peace awaits us all weather we act now or later.

 

[wham311]

They'd guilt you or try to stop you etc

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

They'd guilt you or try to stop you etc

OP specifically said they'd send out a scheduled message AFTER they CTB. You can't guilt a dead person.

 

[skeptikus]

I'm sorry you feel this way. I'm also sorry for myself that sometimes I feel this way too. Everyone is just so busy. I know they love me and all, but they just can't spare time for me because they have work, their own family, their own problems. There was a point in my life when online friends are the only ones who I feel are willing to spare time for me.

So if I were to do it, I will choose to email them. I would mention all the good things stated above. Keep the message positive to minimize their pain. Thank them for all the precious time and effort they gave me and that I wish them a happy life ahead of them.

Lastly, I would mention that, as much as I love their company, it would be great if they can spare time for their loved ones too. Like me, there might be someone out there who's only choosing to stay in this bitter world because of the love and attention they get from friends like them.

 

[TBONTB]

i'm planning on ctbing soon. im not sure when, but im hoping before the end of july.

but that's not the point of this post. the main question i want to ask is: should i notify my online friends about this? if i do so, i plan on doing it through a scheduled email that'll send out ~2 or so weeks after ive ctbed.

at the same time, im worried about the hurt this might bring them. would it be better to spare them the grief and leave them to simply wonder why one day i suddenly stopped speaking to them and never went online again?

i really dont know what to do. to be honest, they're probably 99% of the reason why ive not already ctbed long ago. i feel bad about leaving them behind, and ive honestly had a lot of "good" things happen to me lately that i should be happy about or looking forward to, but i just cant feel anything more than neutral about them. my brain really has been fried by this disorder lol.

my vote is don't tell them. If I had an online buddy that disappeared it would make me sad but I wouldn't think about it a ton. Just "I wonder whatever happened to so-and-so" But if instead I learned of their death it would really shake me, and stay with me a while. If you have no reason for telling them (e.g. to get support for yourself) I would probably leave them with less information rather than more.

 

[skeptikus]

my vote is don't tell them. If I had an online buddy that disappeared it would make me sad but I wouldn't think about it a ton. Just "I wonder whatever happened to so-and-so" But if instead I learned of their death it would really shake me, and stay with me a while. If you have no reason for telling them (e.g. to get support for yourself) I would probably leave them with less information rather than more.

Three responses so far.

1st: left guide questions rather than a definitive answer

2nd (my answer): email them

3rd (your answer): don't email them

I wonder if we would help OP or just confuse him more.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

i'm planning on ctbing soon. im not sure when, but im hoping before the end of july.

but that's not the point of this post. the main question i want to ask is: should i notify my online friends about this? if i do so, i plan on doing it through a scheduled email that'll send out ~2 or so weeks after ive ctbed.

at the same time, im worried about the hurt this might bring them. would it be better to spare them the grief and leave them to simply wonder why one day i suddenly stopped speaking to them and never went online again?

i really dont know what to do. to be honest, they're probably 99% of the reason why ive not already ctbed long ago. i feel bad about leaving them behind, and ive honestly had a lot of "good" things happen to me lately that i should be happy about or looking forward to, but i just cant feel anything more than neutral about them. my brain really has been fried by this disorder lol.

If they know where you live or have any of your information and you tell them. It's possible for them to get you sectioned so be careful.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

If they know where you live or have any of your information and you tell them. It's possible for them to get you sectioned so be careful.

You're the second person I'm pointing this out to. OP said they would send a scheduled message AFTER they CTB. You can't put a dead body in the psych ward.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

You're the second person I'm pointing this out to. OP said they would send a scheduled message AFTER they CTB. You can't put a dead body in the psych ward.

Ah sorry I just read it too fast and my mind overlooked that part. At least other people that see my message will be more cautious.

 

[zu99]

I agree that if you decide to tell them sending an email after would be best. Personally if my online friend ctbed i would appreciate them telling me. i still think a lot about my online friends that disappeared so an email could provide closure. but then again i dont know your friend and if sending them an email could cause them trauma you may want to consider that.

 

[amerie]

As someone who had a friend fake their suicide right before my first day of 8th grade, don't tell them, let them think you ghosted them. It will stress them out a lot more than if you were a tangible person in their life because they'll forever be burdened with the guilt that they could've done more (which isn't really possible).

 

[Wolf Girl]

Everyone will answer according to their experience. So people who have only had casual online friends will vote don't tell them and people who have had close ones will say they should know the truth. Only you know what your relationships are like.

 

[internetyamero]

I wonder if we would help OP or just confuse him more.

it certainly does make it a bit more difficult for me to decide, but im glad to be getting more perspectives on this than just my own for a change.

I don't know you're friends though, think also, what is your relationship with them? How do you imagine they would react if you did tell them? How do you think they would react if you basically just disappeared with no trace?

Everyone will answer according to their experience. So people who have only had casual online friends will vote don't tell them and people who have had close ones will say they should know the truth. Only you know what your relationships are like.

considering my relationship with them does change a lot. i'm very close with these people, but we're all part of the same group, so that's been the main source of my conflict for a while.

i've got enough time to mull it over, and i'm sure i'll keep getting different responses for me to consider over the time this thread is up for, but for now, i'm leaning towards emailing them. i know it'll hurt, but i'd rather they end up with some form of closure than be left to forever wonder why. they're truly great people, and i don't want to leave them in the dark.

thank you all for your input :)

 

[TBONTB]

Three responses so far.

1st: left guide questions rather than a definitive answer

2nd (my answer): email them

3rd (your answer): don't email them

I wonder if we would help OP or just confuse him more.

The problem with getting opinions...they vary!!!

 

[Marcy1024]

I was about to post the same question.
Well, in my case, most of the time I think this way:

If we're not close, they won't miss me, so I won't bother them with drama.
If we are close and they think I'm ghosting them, then it might hurt a bit. But realistically, no one is that emotionally dependent on me. So, I think anyone can live without me — and that's actually healthy.

Its like a paradox. If they do care, I wont tell him for not hurt them. If they dont, there is no point telling them.
Another thought that comes to me is that people don't really care about others' death — they care more about losing the benefit they got from that person, or about preserving their own self-image as someone good and compassionate.
In general, most people think:
"A person doesn't deserve compassion if they aren't compassionate."
At the same time, they think:
"I want to receive compassion."
So, the conclusion becomes:
"I need to be compassionate in order to deserve compassion."

I don't know if that's a legitimate reason to behave like a "compassionate" person, ethically speaking. My intuition tells me it's not. But I haven't found any solid ethical reason to be compassionate, either. My point is that the bad feelings people have when you're gone are more about themselves than about you. I think in my case, I won't tell anyone — because doing that just adds an extra layer of drama. I've said I would go before, and obviously, I didn't. That was awkward and shameful. I don't think I'll do it again.

And I think this answer will help me more than it helps you. Even more so since you've already reached a conclusion. Sorry for posting anyway.