Venting Should I celebrate my birthday

[losttagain]

I am really asking this on a site because I don't feel capable of making the slightest decision. It's my birthday in a week and I es planning to ctb before it but couldn't. I just don't know how I'm gonna deal with spending that day. I don't wanna celebrate my existence. I don't want to receive love that I'm not capable of feeling or retributing. I don't wanna be with everyone knowing that in a month I'll be dead. But I'm afraid that if I don't do anything to celebrate I'll raise suspicions. I can't even think of dealing with being with my friends. I haven't been out or with anyone in months. But I guess it would be nice to make it as a goodbye. Without them knowing. Which is terryfing. I'll probably just fake and say I'm ill. But at the same time I wanna be with them for the last time I feel like I owe them that. But I can't imagine being in a social situation right now. I would just panic.

 

[pixi]

you don't owe anybody anything, but i do think them spending that day with you would mean a lot to them. and maybe to yourself too past the anxiety. i'd love to see my old friends one more time before i go, but i don't think i will have that chance.

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I sadly made this mistake on my birthday and now I'm being sent to some kind of hell all because these dumbasses wouldn't apologize for yelling at me and belittling me and I had to make excuses and lies while smiling… I wanna be gone so badly!! I didn't even want to celebrate and they forced a surprise party… I don't think it will matter in the end for you, but for them, it always gives them an idea to put an assumption that you need it… I am so sorry you feel this way and feel like you need to do this, as no one should be forced to want a birthday or he reminded of their birthday either, and that's final. No need to explain, nadda!