Shallow perspectives on SH

[burninghill]

It endlessly frustrates me that cutting is often seen as the only valid form of self-harm (it frustrates me even more the competitive nature of depth when it comes to online spaces about SH and the way people who cut shallowly are taken less seriously, but that's another discussion).

I used to cut but once I'd reached the depth I was 'working towards', I got bored and just started to take things to make myself feel unwell, not to the point of vomiting, just... poorly and nauseous. I made myself nic sick every day for as long as I could when I started smoking and that escalated into burning myself with the cigarette butts. I'd also make myself sick with alcohol.
I'm sure anyone, after even a brief conversation, would consider these to obviously be self-harm, it just gets to me that so many of these methods are under-discussed. Particularly forms that don't leave physical marks.

Narrowing down self-harm in this way in discussions can also lead to risks as it relates to the potential of people not realising that they're self-harming!

 

[NameOfAction]

You just made me realize a lot of my earliest drug taking experiences were actually self-harm. I used to take random meds, make sure they have severe side effects listed, and take highest listed theraputic dose. Effects varied, but usually it was some kind of pain. I preferred strong, persistent headaches and vertigo that was somehow specific and different to each med

 

[frommetoyou]

youre so right tho!! esp in online communies it rly feels like the mental illness olympics where if it doesnt show, it isnt valid. it just adds MORE stigma to mental illness. its the exact same mindset that pro-lifers or just people without mental illness have: "that it cant be that bad if you cant see it. you dont need help if you arent driven to insanity."
in my personal experiences w these kinds of online communities, it jus made me feel invalid. a lot of things can be considered sh, like hunger strikes, poisoning yourself with anything, purposely removing yourself from things you enjoy, etc.
everyone wants to feel like their suffering is valid, and when they see someone who gets more empathy for literally cutting to bone or something, and then around the corner seeing someone getting made fun of for small cuts, its truly disheartening.

 

[YourLocalSadGirly]

Yeah I'd say cutting is too romanticized as a sh method and that leads to other methods being stigmatized or ignored. Not that any type of sh should be romanticized at all. I think it's mostly a symptom of cutting scars being the most visible form of sh. There's no mistaking a bunch of vertical lines going up your arm as anything but sh whereas small burns, poisoning, bruising, can all be explained away in other people's minds. That's my theory at least.

 

[babylxlah]

I totally get this post but kind of in a different way. I was never a cutter or a burner or any of the methods that require a ritual to be performed.

Undeniably there is the ritual of SH, the control, the release, the tension - but most of my times where I have struggled with SH are more impulsive and volatile.

I currently have a bruise on my cheekbone from punching myself in the face - it's a bit ridiculous but it gives me the release I need, but it's completely different the typical depiction of SH, and way less glamorous…

 

[burninghill]

youre so right tho!! esp in online communies it rly feels like the mental illness olympics where if it doesnt show, it isnt valid. it just adds MORE stigma to mental illness. its the exact same mindset that pro-lifers or just people without mental illness have: "that it cant be that bad if you cant see it. you dont need help if you arent driven to insanity."
in my personal experiences w these kinds of online communities, it jus made me feel invalid. a lot of things can be considered sh, like hunger strikes, poisoning yourself with anything, purposely removing yourself from things you enjoy, etc.
everyone wants to feel like their suffering is valid, and when they see someone who gets more empathy for literally cutting to bone or something, and then around the corner seeing someone getting made fun of for small cuts, its truly disheartening.

It's terrible, the reason I started self-harming is because other people around me were comparing their cuts to eachother and I didn't have any at all. My suffering felt really fake.

You cut to be taken seriously, then you find out there's people who don't take your cuts seriously so you have to keep going deeper and deeper. That's why I stopped once I reached a certain point, I'd proved to myself that I COULD do it and that I wasn't 'weak' and that was all I needed.

It's really terrible. I don't even use self-harm for regulation or in any sort of outburst or act of self-hatred, I just do it to be taken seriously most of the time.

I hope you didn't spend too much of your time in communities like that, they can be awful
Thank you for making my ramble feel understood

 

[frommetoyou]

It's terrible, the reason I started self-harming is because other people around me were comparing their cuts to eachother and I didn't have any at all. My suffering felt really fake.

You cut to be taken seriously, then you find out there's people who don't take your cuts seriously so you have to keep going deeper and deeper. That's why I stopped once I reached a certain point, I'd proved to myself that I COULD do it and that I wasn't 'weak' and that was all I needed.

It's really terrible. I don't even use self-harm for regulation or in any sort of outburst or act of self-hatred, I just do it to be taken seriously most of the time.

I hope you didn't spend too much of your time in communities like that, they can be awful
Thank you for making my ramble feel understood

i know exactly how you feel.
of course!! i hope you didnt spend so much time there either, it was a horrible experience that just made my mental health worse.
its kind of an embarrassing feeling too that your cuts or your suffering doesnt get any attention when the people who do worse get four times the amount. its complex, bc ofc you feel bad for them too, but you still want people to understand you feel the same, but the only way people will understand is if you do more damage.
it is not shameful to want people to see and understand your suffering. its about feeling validated for what you're going through. im glad you're out of that community <3

 

[incorolla]

okay you're 100% right!!!! i have a history of cutting / burning myself but really just haven't felt the cuts are "serious" because they don't scar super noticeably even though i'm literally still hurting myself thank you for posting this omg

the bit about "suffering feeling fake" if it's not as intense as those around you is real too. i thought my depression & suicidal thoughts since elementary school weren't serious for the longest time because i had family that had experienced homelessness/serious addiction and since i had a relatively privileged life compared to them, my struggles aren't something to even bring up

also 100% self harm is a routine thing for me / something i struggle with in extremely emotional moments, i didn't even know that some people experience it differently; very interesting to learn about the ways other people with my same problem experience it in a different way

 

[neurotoxic]

I do this. Medication overdoses, calorie restriction, purging and other non-visible forms of sh are my go-to. I wouldn't be able to keep my job if I had cuts or burns that were clearly self-inflicted, so I make myself ill instead.

 

[itswhatits]

There's also emotional self harm, like, uh... my habit of going on forums about suicide...