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ToastInTheShell

ToastInTheShell

Professional Idiot
Mar 17, 2024
38
I can't stop thinking about SH and CTB. The urge to cut has been so fucking unbearable lately. Now matter how many times I do it, it's never enough. The urge is back within fucking hours. I love doing it though. I love the blood and the sensation and the scars it leaves behind. I get excited when I make the time to do it, and feel disappointed when it's over. It's the only time I feel alive. When I can't cut I'm scratching and clawing desperately at my wrists and face I literally can't even stop myself, I feel so pathetic. It once got so bad I took out a blade and just started doing it in class. My parents shout at me and berate me for it but I always come back to it. I hate it but I can't stop.
 
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EvisceratedJester

EvisceratedJester

|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
Oct 21, 2023
5,166
How old are you?

Also, I'm going through that. SH addiction can be a terrible thing to go through. Have you tried anything, like drawing on self harm cuts instead? I've heard people say rhat actually helps to prevent them from relasping?
 
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ToastInTheShell

ToastInTheShell

Professional Idiot
Mar 17, 2024
38
How old are you?

Also, I'm going through that. SH addiction can be a terrible thing to go through. Have you tried anything, like drawing on self harm cuts instead? I've heard people say rhat actually helps to prevent them from relasping?
I've tried rubber bands, and cutting paper and drawing and deferring and everything. I gave up trying to get better a few months ago after relapsing after a year clean.

I'm 18 btw
 
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EvisceratedJester

EvisceratedJester

|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
Oct 21, 2023
5,166
I've tried rubber bands, and cutting paper and drawing and deferring and everything. I gave up trying to get better a few months ago after relapsing after a year clean.

I'm 18 btw
Oh, okay.

Dealing with addictions can be hard and there are going to be times where you relapse. That's perfectly fine and nothing to worry about. The fact that you were even able to stay clean for a year is something to be proud about, even if you end up relasping.

At least make sure that you practice good aftercare dude. Don't want to get an infection.

Good luck! (Also, sorry of this post comes off as a bit nonsensical. I'm high right now...)
 
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