I understand how you feel man, I trained in the art of kendo for about 3 years, not that long, but ever since I left the dojo I was training at, left because depression took the will to train from me, i had wanted to go to japan and do seppuku at the Suicide Forest, that was actually my first method that I had thought of doing, but a part of me was a coward, so I never did it. But whatever you decide to do, I hope it will be a peaceful journey for you, and if you do go the seppuku route, I will have crazy respect for, because you would have gone out the way i wish i could have gone. Good luck to you