Self sabotage warrior

[anxiousdweller]

If i got a penny every time i self sabotaged myself i would be a multi millionaire right now its like every good thing in my life i fuck up, seems like the man upstairs had different plans for me. The moment the "mask" dropped and i came to find out im not really that great of a person it even collapsed more. the false sense i carried for 24 years is gone and came to find out im an insidious person roaming this earth destroying every good person in my life, like who even does that? Cant deal with people but cant deal to be alone even more. Like society isnt build for people like me who try to stay away from everyone and fight that awful battle in their head. And as reward you get to suffer even more. Too scared to CTB but also to scared to live it turns me crazy!!!

 

[tonicer]

I am also prone to self sabotage. That one time in my life a woman said to me "I'd do anything for you." i freeze up and awkwardly scuttle away. I have been doing similar stuff my entire 43 year long life. It all began in elementary school, kids from my neighborhood came to our door and asked if i wanted to walk to school with them and i declined them so often they stopped asking. I am a fucking joke of a man. I'll end it all once my parents are gone. My dad has maybe 5 years left and my mom maybe 10 or 15.

 

[anxiousdweller]

I am also prone to self sabotage. That one time in my life a woman said to me "I'd do anything for you." i freeze up and awkwardly scuttle away. I have been doing similar stuff my entire 43 year long life. It all began in elementary school, kids from my neighborhood came to our door and asked if i wanted to walk to school with them and i declined them so often they stopped asking. I am a fucking joke of a man. I'll end it all once my parents are gone. My dad has maybe 5 years left and my mom maybe 10 or 15.

I ruined the perfect relationship with my first love of 4 years 8 months ago still in despair if i just didnt let my anxiety and stuff take over and be such an angry prick i could of have been living a "better" life. Self sabotaging is the worst

 

[tonicer]

I ruined the perfect relationship with my first love of 4 years 8 months ago still in despair if i just didnt let my anxiety and stuff take over and be such an angry prick i could of have been living a "better" life. Self sabotaging is the worst

I fear i would have done something similar like always going on and annoying her that i am not worthy of her love etc. instead of just enjoying the relationship. I think there is something broken inside of us and i don't know how and if it can be fixed. I hoped love could fix it but your experience seems to tell a different story.

 

[blvck]

fellow warrior here

 

[anxiousdweller]

I fear i would have done something similar like always going on and annoying her that i am not worthy of her love etc. instead of just enjoying the relationship. I think there is something broken inside of us and i don't know how and if it can be fixed. I hoped love could fix it but your experience seems to tell a different story.

Trust me brother if your are in the same kind of situation like me it doesn't fix anything it only makes it worse for the other person and now you gotta live with being a loser and treating a "loved" one horrible

fellow warrior here

Welcome brother if you want to tell your story you are more then welcome!