I do not know what is happening to me ... I am waiting for CTB as a salvation, but I promised myself that I would not do it before the end of Christmas, because it would be too big a blow for my closest family and each next Christmas would be a memory of my decision. I came back today from Christmas Eve dinner like this that I could only get drunk, hoping for a quick sleep. Unfortunately, instead of falling asleep, the more I drank, the more reality hits me ... initially I wanted to do a SN blood test with a wallpaper knife. (test went well, blood turned to brown Haribo bear) but I couldn't put the knife back ... my hand looks like a broken brake disc. I didn't want to achieve anything like that, it just gave me a temporary relief ... WTF. Someone tell me I'm not the only one in this mess
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sweater
tired of it all
- Dec 23, 2020
- 27
Self harm is absolutely something I indulge in from time to time. It brings me a sense of peace and control I suppose. I'm not sure if I ever connected it with my desire to ctb but I guess it makes sense. It's the closest I can get in the moment
A sense of calm. you put it right ... I have no idea why such an action brings such effects ... a few months ago I would have laughed at a person who does something like this
