Self harm

[lainsito]

I have a hate-love relationship with self harm. It gives me happiness, and at some point I think I am addicted to it, I have to do it anytime or everywhere, as something simple to scratching myself to cut or choke myself. At the same time, I really hate how it has destroyed my relationships, such with my mother. And I kind off hate how those scars will never fade.
My mom thinks that I stopped, but I only stopped cutting myself. I hate myself that I can't promise my mom that I won't do it again, because I won't accomplish that promise. I just don't have hope in me and I am not willing to recover.
My mom was right, I am selfish who obly thinks for itself.

 

[Jadeith]

My mom was right, I am selfish who obly thinks for itself.

I know, it's not nice to accuse someone's mom of lying but nothing you wrote here indicates your selfishness.
SH addiction is not selfish. It's a coping mechanism. You experienced a problem or problems and you haven't found effective way to deal with them, except this. And it has nothing to do with selfishness and everything to do with you requiring support, not baseless scolding.