Only second thought I'm having time to time.....me killing myself, does that make me a even bigger looser than already I am...??? I don't understand should I give my life another try ...??
I'm not pro life. I'm not pro death. That being said...
I attempted to ctb and it gave me brain damage.
Now I think I'm cursed to live. And I'm just going to make the best of it. I've spent the last decade trapped in agoraphobia, but now I'm challenging it.
Everyone has their own life journey. I respect whatever your life brings you. I honestly do not believe in free will (like, I'm super weird).
But if your old way of living doesn't suit you, you can always re-invent yourself. And what kind of afterlife do you believe in, anyway? You can't control your reputation after you die. No one can ever actually see your inner world. I think it's probably positive that you do not want to be a loser... But you literally will never be able to control anyone else's narratives, people can look at the same picture and see something different (like optical illusions, but I think it goes so much deeper, even words with set definitions mean different things when set in different contexts).
I dunno if that makes any sense. But I know for me attempting to ctb was never a choice, it was the impulsive result of many, many things, the people around me, the way I reacted to things internally, how I view and think about death.
Have you ever read about how mother theresa was secretly a monster? Have you ever heard people praise literal monsters (I'm thinking about authors of genocide, but there's a weird thing that happens in the usa, where serial killers get wives and fanmail).
Ultimately, good luck in whatever comes next for you. You never know what the future holds. I hope your life journey brings you some sort of clarity and peace.
I attempted to ctb and it gave me brain damage.
Now I think I'm cursed to live. And I'm just going to make the best of it. I've spent the last decade trapped in agoraphobia, but now I'm challenging it.
Everyone has their own life journey. I respect whatever your life brings you. I honestly do not believe in free will (like, I'm super weird).
But if your old way of living doesn't suit you, you can always re-invent yourself. And what kind of afterlife do you believe in, anyway? You can't control your reputation after you die. No one can ever actually see your inner world. I think it's probably positive that you do not want to be a loser... But you literally will never be able to control anyone else's narratives, people can look at the same picture and see something different (like optical illusions, but I think it goes so much deeper, even words with set definitions mean different things when set in different contexts).
I dunno if that makes any sense. But I know for me attempting to ctb was never a choice, it was the impulsive result of many, many things, the people around me, the way I reacted to things internally, how I view and think about death.
Have you ever read about how mother theresa was secretly a monster? Have you ever heard people praise literal monsters (I'm thinking about authors of genocide, but there's a weird thing that happens in the usa, where serial killers get wives and fanmail).
Ultimately, good luck in whatever comes next for you. You never know what the future holds. I hope your life journey brings you some sort of clarity and peace.
I Me & Myself
scared of change
- Sep 9, 2025
- 11
It certainly doesn't make you a loser. In my mind, people who make this choice do not have it easy and often have a hard path in front of them. They can choose between bad and worse, and have to decide if living on is "just bad" or actually the worse option.
Which is incredibly hard and choosing neither option makes you inferiour to anyone. All the best to you
Which is incredibly hard and choosing neither option makes you inferiour to anyone. All the best to you
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