I'll be gone in about 24 hours from now. I have everything I need and arrangements have been made. But, I'm filled with so much panic and sadness. I ended a call with some friends a bit ago and realized "that's the last conversation I'll ever have with them". I teared up a bit because I can't tell them how much they mean to me before I CTB or else they'll get suspicious and try to stop me. I honestly don't want to leave, but I also know that my injury will prevent me from having a fulfilling life and that this is the only option I have left if I want peace. I already blew my chance at a good life.
I also just read a thread about what happens when SN is used as a method and it terrifies me. It does not sound as peaceful as people make it out to be
https://sanctionedsuicide.site/threads/sn-experience-thoughts-from-a-new-perspective.217337/
I hope I'll be able to overcome this SI by tomorrow, because I'll have hours to think about it in the hotel room before I actually CTB. I don't want to die alone, I'm really scared to
I also just read a thread about what happens when SN is used as a method and it terrifies me. It does not sound as peaceful as people make it out to be
https://sanctionedsuicide.site/threads/sn-experience-thoughts-from-a-new-perspective.217337/
I hope I'll be able to overcome this SI by tomorrow, because I'll have hours to think about it in the hotel room before I actually CTB. I don't want to die alone, I'm really scared to
