Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[SouthGermany1982]

9.9

 

[ImsooDone1N]

9.75/10.00 - It's worse. Should be a 10- but I just feel like that things are gonna continue to get worse for me, so I'm making an allotment for that. This is fucking hell & I wouldn't wish it on anyone!! (Not that anyone gives a shit nor would I expect them too).

 

[annique]

maybe an 8?

 

[Lullaby]

7/8 this week. I'm so over all of this.

I've applied to so many jobs this month with no response. I finally got a call back today from one, only to get rejected. Then they tell me if I know anyone else with more experience, to tell them to apply. What a joke.

I'm behind on so many bills and I'm struggling so much again with everything.

No idea why I keep trying anymore, this is all pointless.

 

[noname223]

3. Low suicidality. Talked a lot with my best friend which comforted me a lot. Though I feel quite manic. I currently change my medication. I want to stop taking one. I reduced it and now I am only taking 2/3 of it. I am already quite manic. I wake up very early which is a warning sign.
Don't know how I shall do this. I think reducing it more would backfire a lot. I have to succeed in a certain time period. But I think it is not realistical. It is a pretty huge challenge. And it could lead to my suicide if I fuck it up. But the pressure is currently lower.

 

[nys]

9.9. I feel really suicidal and horrible right now and just being alive feels so overwhelming for me. I have no idea how I was able to fuck up my life so much but somehow I did. I hate being alive so much. I want to die so bad but my stupid fucking SI won't let me. I would have put a 10 but if I was really at a 10, I would have actually ctb'd by now. I hate being trapped in this situation not wanting to live but unable to bring myself to die. I hate this

 

[Hope:-)]

10.

 

[LowLevelChimp]

9.5 today, off back to hospital for cancer check again, CT and camera up the rear. I've had enough of this pain, I've lost 3 stone in 2 months, i hoped for recovery but it's just not going to be possible for me, too much booze and excess plus I deserve to die for all I've done. Hopefully it'll be the big C that does it not the big SN

 

[ImsooDone1N]

8.5/10.00 Things are still really difficult, just had a better day yesterday than expected. It would be great to carry into today but- idk not much hope.

 

[jermainet]

I don't know if I could quantify it with a number, but a lot of time has passed on the clock. I feel I'm entering the red zone on the revs now, before the needle approaches 10.

 

[savoytruffle]

past week soared to 9. i feel horrible

 

[whatevs]

6.5

It really is taking form in my mind.

 

[Hope:-)]

10. I am beginning to accept that this is the situation that I am going to go through. How painful I find life is almost physically painful and I don't have anyone irl who can empathise or sympathise. However my plan is coming together in a very natural way so it feels right.

 

[outrider567]

A 9 each day but yesterday and today, I'd say a 9.9, not sure why, just that recently I'm missing her lot more than I always miss her,I'm in a bit of a crisis mentally because of that today

 

[Lily (Osako)]

5-10. I constantly think about it, bordering on obsessing.
It's never out of my mind.
Some days I'm in the planning stage, others I'm ready to just do it.

 

[nys]

9.5
I want to do it but I can't bring myself to. I keep procrastinating for no reason and I'm pretty sure I'm never going to do it because of SI. So frustrating

 

[ImsooDone1N]

9.50/10.00 - Things are absolutely terrible. I'm terrible.

 

[forced2live]

10', I have anhedonia/ cant feel pleasure. on top of that o have a constant sense of impending doom

ig i have this

 

[Hope:-)]

10. Still sourcing stuff

 

[y'ffre]

1.
No desire

 

[sewercide]

8 because chronic pain

 

[FailureGirl]

10.. 9.8 or 10

 

[ratgirl40216]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

I guess I am at a 5. I feel like I am just existing, want to go to sleep and just not wake up

 

[WorthlessTrash]

8. There's nothing to look forward to and nothing gives me pleasure anymore.

 

[PeacefulDreams]

7 or 8. Maybe a 9. I think about it a lot.

 

[Andross01]

10 since 9 months. My life is an absolute catastrophe with no end in sight. :(

 

[ImsooDone1N]

9.50/10.00 - same as 24hours ago. No Change because nothing really happened / I didn't do anything, of all the things I have to do. Today will have to be a more productive day.

 

[ForbiddenSiren]

8 atm. Kinda changes frequently though, up and down the scale.

 

[PinkFlower]

I would say 8-10, sometimes I'm enough calm tp forget that Iwant to ctb but it really takes a little to feel a full 10 were I would gladly drop dead instantly

 

[nopride86]

Still at a steady 8 overall but in my mind and my chest it feels like a 9.7, if only this anxiety could stop my heart completely.

I really fucked up and I keep making everything worse. I'm fighting the urge to purchase SN, to keep it in a cabinet for days like this. Maybe I can just stare it down until I break one way or the other. But I'm also really scared of having it on hand because of impulsivity (and subsequent failure). And if I do have it, then I'll need to test it, compounding anxiety.

So much irony in the cruel world - ready to die but paralyzed by the idea of pain from a small cut.