Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[Jred]

High 6 to 7/10 atm. Definitely below the norm, but I've had a little to drink today, not the usual for me. I will definitely be completely sober when I CTB

 

[thedaywillcome]

I absolutly cant stand this life: 10

 

[Circles]

A 6 for some indescribable reason.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

9 again. Very sure I want out.

 

[ThePhoenix]

9 today, this is probably the highest its ever been

 

[noname223]

I am overthinking things. I despise myself. I will get so suicidal. This is all too much. Listening a lot to Juice WRLD- Righteous

"Taking medicine to fix all of the damage
My anxiety the size of a planet"

Might be a 6 of suicidal thoughts today. I am not feeling good. And I don't really have an answer to fix my damage.

 

[whatevs]

I am overthinking things. I despise myself. I will get so suicidal. This is all too much. Listening a lot to Juice WRLD- Righteous

"Taking medicine to fix all of the damage
My anxiety the size of a planet"

Might be a 6 of suicidal thoughts today. I am not feeling good. And I don't really have an answer to fix my damage.

Hey, that's a good song, I like it too. He obviously was a gigantic loser though. That's why he basically killed himself with these drugs.

I hope nobody gets triggered by this. We get threads every day about people that absolutely loathe themselves, cut their flesh open out of self hatred, call themselves the biggest failures of all time but to say suicidal people are losers is controversial? If I didn't see myself as a loser you wouldn't see me on this site.

 

[outrider567]

9.5 about an hour ago, after unexpectedly finding Patti's crutches and walker--Quickly threw them in a dumpster behind a store

 

[quix77]

10 for me.

Will ctb this weekend. 44 hours to go

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Depression is like a 9 and suicidal thoughts are an 8. Trying to distract myself, but it isn't working.

 

[xo777]

9 but i'm leaving very soon

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

9?i can't do this anymore.

 

[surface2007]

9, My symptoms are literally driving me crazy. If I lived without my family, I wouldn't be here to post that message. I get to a point where I take it so that they leave as long as possible and can ctb.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Depression: 8 Suicidal thoughts: 8.5

 

[TheExpression]

It constantly flip flops between a 6 and 9, i guess. Ironically, i've noticed that doing things i enjoy most (e.g. Hanging out with friends.), tends to now consistently push me into that 9 category. It's why i've decided to seclude myself for the moment. I only want to go out for work or other responsibilities tbh.

 

[Releasefrompressure]

I will be dead in a month. I am at peace with it. It is more of an obligation and duty based upon circumstances rather than a need or desire. So I would say 2/3 out of 10.

I actually really feel bad for people who are trapped though, i can't imagine how bad this would be. But remember we all have to go through this at some point and either a) everything will be meaningless and all the pain and suffering will be over and we get sweet sleep without any pain and suffering and the cares of the world would be gone.

Or we have an afterlife and we can have another shot and be in bliss and happiness. Win win

 

[Lullaby]

7/8. Just feeling like a waste of space and an inconvenience to everyone I meet or in my life.

 

[Hurt]

Today is a 7

 

[noname223]

5. Yesterday I took two of my emergency pills, feeling really fragile. I am too scared of becoming an addict. I have increased the Seroquel instead. I hope it helps.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

5 …. Limbo

 

[noname223]

5. Not much suicidal but damn my head is exploding. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! I woke up 3:30 am could not sleep anymore. Despite the fact I increased the Seroquel from 50 to 150 mg. I am so fucked.

I took a whole lorazepam this evening and a half Z-medication. I am really scared about addiction. But I have extreme stress currently. I hope at least tonight I will sleep well. Not sure what I am gonna do. I have some considerations.

There are some scenarios when I am really extremely desperate about my situation. And they are not that unlikely.

I think I have barely tolerance to these substances. Maybe to the Z-medicatio a bit. But the lowest dosage is sufficient for now.

This is all so fucking dangerous. Tomorrow could be a very decisive day. I hope the lorazepam eases my anxiety, mania and paranoia. Soon I have an appoinment with my psychiatrist. Not sure whether I will talk about everyhing this explicitly.
I could make an appoinment with another professional who I like a lot. Both are quite liberal with addictive medication.

But my psychologist is more strictly. I am scared to open up about all these incidents.

I told my dad some things yesterday. But my mom barely knows something. I say her I struggle but no details (this is such an euphemsim it is really absurd). I am really struggling really really hard. I think if I opened up to my mom the blame-game would start once again. (due to the abuse) I really don't need that currently. My dad said some compassionate words. (In contrast to the rest he usually says he spreaded real wisdom.)

 

[Squiddy]

9. The highest it's been in a long time. My ADHD is gonna put me in the grave soon if I can't find relief and treatment for it. I've made quite a few mistakes today like forgetting something at home, trying to pump gas in my tank when it was obvious that there was really no gas as the pump handle had a bag over it and driving 40 minutes to work just to find out that I wasn't scheduled today and didn't check. I tried to take a tum and caffeine with my ADHD med, but it didn't really help. I wish I didn't wake up today

 

[WorthlessTrash]

9.2

 

[Wizard999666]

Perhaps a 9. I might go this week if I recieve my SN.

 

[savoytruffle]

past week it's been sitting at a 6 but today shot up to an 8

 

[Hirokami]

Maybe around a 3. I made a dark joke about jumping off the Golden Gate bridge and looked up survival rates, but that's about it.

 

[charlotte greentea]

solid 8 today but I've also literally been too busy to kill myself

 

[BlackCatTalk]

9 increasing every day

 

[outrider567]

9.5 this morning--I was in the car looking at the beautiful blue green water in the Jupiter Florida Ocean Inlet, Patti always was thrilled to see the color.... but with her gone, it just made me sink into another great depression hole--She's not here to see anything anymore, something that I still can't accept

 

[Dear Agony]

About 6-7. The days are unbearable, but I don't have any plans or intent.