Rapist Got Me Pregnant

[glided~hydrangea]

A few weeks ago I was with my friend going on a light-hearted, not at all serious two-man. Literally just because she didn't want as much awkward silence and I'm a great talker so it was nice to be able to support her. It was later in the night my but everything was fine—we laughed, joked, drove around to literally js run a quick errand, and smoked in their car. My friend and her guy were making out, we wanted to give them more of privacy. TLDR; he raped me. He was considerably older than me. I've taken a few of those early-detecting tests, and surprise I'm pregnant. This isn't the first time I've been raped, nor is it the first I've fallen pregnant because of it. Last time, I spiraled into a two-and-a-half year depression, consisting of a very strong line of socially frowned-upon outlets including but not limited to: Intense sh, ed (purging disorder, specifically), very heavy drinking and drug abuse, hyper sexuality, etc. I also developed PTSD and Anxiety (obviously, lol).
The primary issue I'm facing is, as ironic as my actions make it seem, I'm very Christian and deeply religious. The previous time I didn't know what else to do but heavily drink and do everything I could to make it go away, and eventually it worked. No one even found out (not to flex or anything ), but the guilt still haunts me and ruins my life to this day. Now, I'm about 4 weeks sober and in my educational life I really need to lock the fuck in because I'm in that "next stepping-stone" stage, and I'm in a lot of leadership and well-involved positions.
If it were up to just me, I would easily fall back into my drug habits and do what I could, but I'm being much more closely monitored now for different past occasions and poor choices I made, so it's going to be increasingly more difficult to come by them. Additionally, there's already a few people who know about these issues, and feel, I'm their heavily-misguided, hero-complex that if they "hear something, they should say something." Which ik is the type of bullshit we all hate to hear, which is why we're on this site in the first place.
I have no idea what to do, I can't drive anywhere to do anything, either. I'm so lost. I'm holding everything in together as much as I can, so I'm thankfully not that upset and just more numb, but I feel like it's more of that quiet-before-the-storm than anything else. Any helpful advice and support would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all and wish me luck.

 

[Heavy_Metals117]

I'm so sorry I can't even imagine what that must be like. I wish I could offer advice but I cannot. I hope you can power through this, as it seems you have already begun with being sober. I believe in you

 

[peacebenow]

I am so incredibly sorry to hear of what has happened to you. The trauma is horrific. And for you to have become pregnant. And that this has happened to you before. Remember that you have agency and that you have choices over your body. And none of this is your fault. I understand that you are deeply religious and that you are already harboring deep guilt from your previous trauma. You are doing the best you can to survive in a complete traumatic experience. Perhaps there are people you feel that you can safely confide in to ask for help driving you somewhere or you can get an uber or a taxi or a bus if you have extra money to spare. I cannot tell you what to do. But you are seen and heard.

 

[Dot]

Cld n.e sexul violnce spport agncies hlp u - thy cld perhps gve u sme free counsllng s/ r nt processng recnt xpernce alne & hlp wth n.e practcl measres tht u nd 2 tke

Sexual Assault support resources.

Written by @Dot, I'm just the messenger to make it more accessible. Many people on SaSu have been victims of rape, incest and sexual assault which can be a factor in the reasons for being suicidal. Below is a list of support organisations for people who have been impacted and are not sure...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[glided~hydrangea]

Cld n.e sexul violnce spport agncies hlp u - thy cld perhps gve u sme free counsllng s/ r nt processng recnt xpernce alne & hlp wth n.e practcl measres tht u nd 2 tke

Sexual Assault support resources.

Written by @Dot, I'm just the messenger to make it more accessible. Many people on SaSu have been victims of rape, incest and sexual assault which can be a factor in the reasons for being suicidal. Below is a list of support organisations for people who have been impacted and are not sure...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Thanks for your kindness in offering and even sharing the thread of that! I really do appreciate your concern and intentions it means a lot . Unfortunately, I have absolutely no faith in the mental health system and therapy has never worked on me (I've seen 15+). I don't want to make a big scene with the event that word somehow gets to my family and they find out, so I'm not inclined to go anywhere in-person. I've just figured that this anonymous site is literally the only place on earth where I can express these feelings and troubles. Sending you lots of love though, I hope you find peace and prosperity with whatever it is you're striving for .

 

[iwanttodie019]

Did you report?

 

[glided~hydrangea]

Did you report?

I'm not sure what you're specifically referring to, could you elaborate further please?

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

A few weeks ago I was with my friend going on a light-hearted, not at all serious two-man. Literally just because she didn't want as much awkward silence and I'm a great talker so it was nice to be able to support her. It was later in the night my but everything was fine—we laughed, joked, drove around to literally js run a quick errand, and smoked in their car. My friend and her guy were making out, we wanted to give them more of privacy. TLDR; he raped me. He was considerably older than me. I've taken a few of those early-detecting tests, and surprise I'm pregnant. This isn't the first time I've been raped, nor is it the first I've fallen pregnant because of it. Last time, I spiraled into a two-and-a-half year depression, consisting of a very strong line of socially frowned-upon outlets including but not limited to: Intense sh, ed (purging disorder, specifically), very heavy drinking and drug abuse, hyper sexuality, etc. I also developed PTSD and Anxiety (obviously, lol).
The primary issue I'm facing is, as ironic as my actions make it seem, I'm very Christian and deeply religious. The previous time I didn't know what else to do but heavily drink and do everything I could to make it go away, and eventually it worked. No one even found out (not to flex or anything ), but the guilt still haunts me and ruins my life to this day. Now, I'm about 4 weeks sober and in my educational life I really need to lock the fuck in because I'm in that "next stepping-stone" stage, and I'm in a lot of leadership and well-involved positions.
If it were up to just me, I would easily fall back into my drug habits and do what I could, but I'm being much more closely monitored now for different past occasions and poor choices I made, so it's going to be increasingly more difficult to come by them. Additionally, there's already a few people who know about these issues, and feel, I'm their heavily-misguided, hero-complex that if they "hear something, they should say something." Which ik is the type of bullshit we all hate to hear, which is why we're on this site in the first place.
I have no idea what to do, I can't drive anywhere to do anything, either. I'm so lost. I'm holding everything in together as much as I can, so I'm thankfully not that upset and just more numb, but I feel like it's more of that quiet-before-the-storm than anything else. Any helpful advice and support would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all and wish me luck.

That sucks...
Whatever you choose to do. Im sure god will understand and forgive you

 

[iwanttodie019]

I'm not sure what you're specifically referring to, could you elaborate further please?

Report to law enforcement

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

Report to law enforcement

I think OP just doesnt wanna make it worse even if justice is not served

Shes a really kind girl. Takes it all on herself

 

[fadedghost]

A few weeks ago I was with my friend going on a light-hearted, not at all serious two-man. Literally just because she didn't want as much awkward silence and I'm a great talker so it was nice to be able to support her. It was later in the night my but everything was fine—we laughed, joked, drove around to literally js run a quick errand, and smoked in their car. My friend and her guy were making out, we wanted to give them more of privacy. TLDR; he raped me. He was considerably older than me. I've taken a few of those early-detecting tests, and surprise I'm pregnant. This isn't the first time I've been raped, nor is it the first I've fallen pregnant because of it. Last time, I spiraled into a two-and-a-half year depression, consisting of a very strong line of socially frowned-upon outlets including but not limited to: Intense sh, ed (purging disorder, specifically), very heavy drinking and drug abuse, hyper sexuality, etc. I also developed PTSD and Anxiety (obviously, lol).
The primary issue I'm facing is, as ironic as my actions make it seem, I'm very Christian and deeply religious. The previous time I didn't know what else to do but heavily drink and do everything I could to make it go away, and eventually it worked. No one even found out (not to flex or anything ), but the guilt still haunts me and ruins my life to this day. Now, I'm about 4 weeks sober and in my educational life I really need to lock the fuck in because I'm in that "next stepping-stone" stage, and I'm in a lot of leadership and well-involved positions.
If it were up to just me, I would easily fall back into my drug habits and do what I could, but I'm being much more closely monitored now for different past occasions and poor choices I made, so it's going to be increasingly more difficult to come by them. Additionally, there's already a few people who know about these issues, and feel, I'm their heavily-misguided, hero-complex that if they "hear something, they should say something." Which ik is the type of bullshit we all hate to hear, which is why we're on this site in the first place.
I have no idea what to do, I can't drive anywhere to do anything, either. I'm so lost. I'm holding everything in together as much as I can, so I'm thankfully not that upset and just more numb, but I feel like it's more of that quiet-before-the-storm than anything else. Any helpful advice and support would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all and wish me luck.

You should contact the rape abuse and incent network rainn.org and talk to their counselors.

You should also report this to law enforcement immediately.

You should get the abortion pill if you're in an area where it's legal to do so. If you're in an area where it's illegal, and it's legal to move, you should move.

Do you want to raise the baby of your rapist? Do you want to spend 9 months of your life with the baby in you to then give it up? If the answer to both is no, abortion pills are the easier way.

Additionally, fetal pain studies show that the earlier the fetus is in development, the less likely it is to feel pain. Early on, it's just a mass of cells and likely has no awareness.

I'm not a religious person, and don't believe any of it is real, but if Jesus actually is real, and I'm wrong (which I highly doubt), do you think a compassionate loving Jesus really wants you to be pregnant with a rapist's baby for 9 months? I don't think Jesus would want you to suffer, and fetus that never grows up never know it died.

Please contact Rape Abuse and Incest Network. No one on this site is an expert.

Don't hurt yourself with drugs. If you are already religious, you should go to www.na.org and go to meetings. They are all very religious, and if you aren't religious NA is super annoying, but if you're religious, you will fit right in.

Homepage

How Does RAINN Help Survivors? No matter who you are, where you’re from, or what you’ve experienced, RAINN is here for you. Join Our Community

rainn.org

The Tor Browser can help you access these websites without leaking information about what you are searching to your Internet Company, which may share information with others. https://www.torproject.org/download/

If you are in an area where abortion is illegal, and don't want your internet service provider to find out you are considering abortion and struggling to maintain sobriety while pregnant after a rape (because without a VPN or Tor they can know what websites you visit, ie visiting an abortion clinic webpage, although they often can't see the content of your visit, you could try contacting RAINN using the Tor Browser.

Also, if you are in an area where abortion is illegal in the USA, you could move out of state to a new area, find a battered women's shelter in a more liberal state, and explain the situation, then consider getting an abortion or using the abortion pill in the state where it's legal after relocating. You could also report the rape from out of state after relocating and aborting using the abortion pill.

 

[kittypsst]

I'm not sure what you're specifically referring to, could you elaborate further please?

Report to law enforcement like yesterday, sometimes help depends on having an active investigation, and it will bite you if people try to silence this crime. It's the paper trail that matters to some. And congrats on being sober!

Sometimes reading the Bible and not some Boomer pastor's opinion helps. I'd put the millstone soaking method above modern abortion as kinda harsher to greenlit, coming from the boss himself.

But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

Matthew 18:6 - Bible Gateway

www.biblegateway.com

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

You should contact the rape abuse and incent network rainn.org and talk to their counselors.

You should also report this to law enforcement immediately.

You should get the abortion pill if you're in an area where it's legal to do so. If you're in an area where it's illegal, and it's legal to move, you should move.

Do you want to raise the baby of your rapist? Do you want to spend 9 months of your life with the baby in you to then give it up? If the answer to both is no, abortion pills are the easier way.

Additionally, fetal pain studies show that the earlier the fetus is in development, the less likely it is to feel pain. Early on, it's just a mass of cells and likely has no awareness.

I'm not a religious person, and don't believe any of it is real, but if Jesus actually is real, and I'm wrong (which I highly doubt), do you think a compassionate loving Jesus really wants you to be pregnant with a rapist's baby for 9 months? I don't think Jesus would want you to suffer, and fetus that never grows up never know it died.

Please contact Rape Abuse and Incest Network. No one on this site is an expert.

Don't hurt yourself with drugs. If you are already religious, you should go to www.na.org and go to meetings. They are all very religious, and if you aren't religious NA is super annoying, but if you're religious, you will fit right in.

Homepage

How Does RAINN Help Survivors? No matter who you are, where you’re from, or what you’ve experienced, RAINN is here for you. Join Our Community

rainn.org

The Tor Browser can help you access these websites without leaking information about what you are searching to your Internet Company, which may share information with others. https://www.torproject.org/download/

If you are in an area where abortion is illegal, and don't want your internet service provider to find out you are considering abortion and struggling to maintain sobriety while pregnant after a rape (because without a VPN or Tor they can know what websites you visit, ie visiting an abortion clinic webpage, although they often can't see the content of your visit, you could try contacting RAINN using the Tor Browser.

Also, if you are in an area where abortion is illegal in the USA, you could move out of state to a new area, find a battered women's shelter in a more liberal state, and explain the situation, then consider getting an abortion or using the abortion pill in the state where it's legal after relocating. You could also report the rape from out of state after relocating and aborting using the abortion pill.

Youre hurting her