You know, I've noticed that people (usually men but sometimes women too) love to insult women who don't act in a particular way that they like by calling them "fatherless" or claiming that they have "daddy issues". Those types of insults seem to imply that fathers are essentially meant to play a role in controlling the behaviour of their daughters, ensuring that they act in ways that fit into conventional societal expectations for women. Essentially, it's just another way of saying that they would never allow their daughter to act in that particular manner. It also ends up insulting mothers too, as it essentially implies that it's the fathers who discipline the children and that without their influence the said children will start "acting out" as they get older. It implies that this is a role that mothers are unable to fulfill and that single mothers give rise to children who grow up to be complete disgraces to society (at least in the eyes of the dumbasses who say shit like this).
This also connects to another issue, which is the stigma surrounding single motherhood. Single motherhood is treated as an issue that is always the fault of the woman. Single mothers are shamed for being in the position they are in, being seen as whores and ghetto and being portrayed as sort of uncivilized. Single mothers become single mothers because they purposely sleep around without protection and keep their kids from seeing their daddy. Let's ignore the many cases of women, even girls, forced into motherhood because of rape and not having a choice but to raise their children on their own. Let's ignore the cases of single mothers who are in the position they are in now because of them having left their abuser, let alone the amount of courage and planning it takes to do so while also having to keep their children safe. Let's ignore the many cases of fathers deciding to abandon their families just because. Let's just ignore the cases of fathers dying, thus leaving their wives a widow and their children fatherless. Meanwhile, single fathers are upheld by society. They are seen as amazing individuals, doing their best to raise their children. They aren't faced with the same stigmas that single mothers go through. They are looked upon quite fondly by others. They are portrayed as sweet, kind, maybe a bit clueless at times but always trying their best. They are rarely if ever demonized in any way. This more broadly reflects how low the standards are for fathers. To be a good father means to do the bare minimum. As a result, they are always given the benefit of the doubt and aren't in need of having too much to prove their worth as a single parent.
Men are also allowed to exist on their own. Men are not seen as an extension of others the same way women are, and thus they aren't seen as being in the wrong when it comes to single fatherhood. For women, on the other hand, to be a good woman is to have to reach a near-impossible standard when it comes to motherhood and marriage. You are an extension of your partner and children, thus how others view you completely hinges on their impression of your children and relationship. As a result, single motherhood is seen as you failing to live up to the standards placed on you. If your partner isn't around, then it is assumed that it's your fault. If your children are acting in ways that don't fit into societal norms, then this means that something wrong was done on your part. Your children and relationship are an extension of you, thus failure on both ends means that you are the issue. If a single father has a child who is acting out, most will assume that it's due to trauma or just them having difficulty with adjusting to their new life circumstance. The father is always the one trying his best in the situation, thus no judgment is to be cast onto him. A single mother with a child acting out, meanwhile, is seen as a reflection of her failings as a mother and partner. Their child is an extension of them, thus the behaviour of their child inherently reflects faults in their character. The father not being around must reflect another failing on their part. They are seen as a failure and are judged for it.
Now, to reel it in a bit and get back on topic, it can also be said that these types of father-based insults are commonly thrown at queer men too. Queerness in men is seen as a result of trauma and a lack of proper discipline and direction as a result of not having a father figure in their life/not having a healthy relationship with their father. Insults like these push the notion that the role of the patriarch is to act as a strict arbitrator of societal norms. A father is meant to ensure that gender-normativity and cis-heteronormativity are upheld, and thus through this, ensure that society runs smoothly. If he fails to do so, then it isn't his fault, but rather the fault of his children. It's their offspring who deserve to bear the brunt of societal ridicule because it's about their failures, not the failures of their father. The father is reasonable for the well-being of children but he is never at fault for screwing them over.
These types of insults so feed into heteronormative ideals surrounding parenthood. It subtly reinforces the whole "children need a father and a mother" rhetoric. In reality, children just need adults in their lives who are able to meet their emotional, developmental, and financial needs. Having two mothers, two fathers, or even having more than two parents, isn't going to mess them up. Plenty of children who live in non-heteronromative and/or non-monogamous households turn out fine.
I'm mostly just thinking about this because I just watched a YouTube short where someone talks about how she keeps on getting comments claiming that she is "fatherless" just because she doesn't fit into the conventional image of a woman, with her being more rebellious. In her case, her father was present in her life. Comments like these are rarely directed at cis-het men who engage in similar behaviours. Hell, when the topic of daddy issues and fatherless homes comes up in reference to young boys, it's generally in a more sympathetic manner, with any animosity instead being directed towards their mothers.
The harm that these insults cause also expands beyond issues pertaining to sexism and anti-lgbtq+ rhetoric, but they also make it harder for people apart of these demographics who actually do have issues with their father to open up about them. It treats these terrible issues that these people are trying to cope with as a weapon to be used to put down others, painting a disgusting caricature of what people who deal with these issues are like.
️New Minions Headcanon
